Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

The guy I somehow ended up in a vague relationship like thing with, who showed his true colors by saying how I didn't even matter as a human being in front of ALL of our friends, and that opened my eyes to see all the other , terribly subtle ways he had no respect for anyone, let alone me, all the others ways he was being manipulative an just plain an a**. When i told him to go away the first time because he hurt me, he slithered his way back into my life, and I wanted to pretend to be happy, but I wasn't. So i told him no, I can't date him though he asked, and I sure as hell can't stand to give him privileges he obviously doesn't care to respect. That it hurts, and i can't do it.

THIS: was his response to my decision.

He sent me a text when he left from gamers club. "I'm trying to do better, but it's really hard when you're just playing Pokemon." and I quote. (like I said, this s**t hurts, so I was trying to distract myself by enjoying playing some Pokemon Heart Gold with my friends. Most of the people in Gamers club who wanted to got it, so we all go around excitedly and do mystery gift on our walkers, and trade Pokemon, and link up, and it's a lot of fun, something we can all share in. I mean, what? did he expect me to become an emo b***h because I'm in pain?) He told me when we were going into Jones ( a dinning hall on campuss we eat at), and I quote again, "You didn't give me a hug, that was really cold." Of course not, I can barely stand to talk to him. He then talked to Kristina, my protector and mistress, my best friend and practically a big sister to me, and tried to pull one over on her for a third time, though she is not letting that happen, asking what he could do to get back with me. Not, what did he do wrong, how can he make it better, but essentially, "How can I get in her pants again, get back all my previous privileges so I can abuse them again." She told him that if he cared anything about me, he would be my friend, and nothing more. That we are not compatible, and it won't work out. And he said, though I can't quote exactly this one, So if I'm friends with her we can then get back together? He then came and told me,
"I think we should start over on being friends." which he said just after you left, to which I replied, "It doesn't work that way, you hurt me not physically, which heals fast, but mentally. That s**t takes time to heal. (to sum up what i said in not so many words.)

Every one of his actions has said quite clearly to me, NO, he's not hurt by my not dating him, which is funny because he told Kristina "us breaking up" and she replied with, "I didn't know you were dating." But my telling him no doesn't hurt him emotionally, it hurts his pride and his pride alone. Because when he had me, he didn't care, and now that I am gone, he suddenly "cares so much" about me. If he gave a ******** at all, he would give me the distance i asked for, but he doesn't even have enough respect for me to do that.

Here is what hurts me now: The groups response not just to this, but other things, how I know they are going to respond. Like my friend hitting another friend. Because, the same mistake i made with him, people want to see the good. And everyone has been, is, and will probably continue to go, "Awe, he messed up. But he's a good guy deep inside..." and the point is, it doesn't ******** matter if he has POTENTIAL to be a good guy, the point is that he CHOSES to be an a**. And what you CHOSE to be, that is what you ARE. And no one in the group seems willing to recognize that. Which means that I must continue to try so ******** hard not to give the snide remarks he sets himself up for, I have to continue to ignore his subtle little insults. And he is so terribly subtle, he can pull the "I'm not doing anything wrong..." because technically he isn't, and yet he is. I have to deal with his stupidity and do it politely, or else I seem like the b***h. I don't know if i can do it, it's tearing me apart.