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I finally cleared my mind and realized all my mistakes. And now i want to slam my head into a wall for being so stupid and childish and listening to my parents. I should have cared more about me and less about what they wanted. 'Cause i listened to them i ended up missing out of something special. Gee, thanks guys.
:C
Now all i can do is admire him from afar and hope my stupidness kicks in. I don't want to do what i'm going to do. To strain the relationship. But i want to get it off my chest and maybe push him away with the awkwardness that my confession will bring. He's a nice guy, I know what he'll do. maybe in the past it might've been different but now theres no chance. Which is better since i have nothing to offer, literally. Plus i'd be such a whore, even more so, well it'd be really bad judgement on my part. (goes to dictionary)
Also FML, cause it seems necessary.
Now i just have to figure out how to tell him and also ask him to forgive me for what i've done. And even if he doesn't which i hope he doesn't, he'll at least know i felt that way and wasn't as heartless as I acted. And clear some things up. << He must think i'm still doing something but i stopped a long time ago, right around the time i started to clear up. But still the earth should swallow me whole. Jus' sayin'.
Gah i hope he says he hates me. << He shouldn't be so sweet.
 Nirrina · Wed Mar 10, 2010 @ 01:34am · 0 Comments |
