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It's the new year and I don't know what to do with myself. I feel depressed and alone, will that be my whole year? My whole existence? It sucks to be alone. But I'm trapped in a world where technology is life. The world has disengaged. Why haven't I? I guess it's because I need a friend to survive. Without someone there for me, I like turn into a monster. Someone I don't want to know or look at too closely. I have accepted that I have a dark side. But this seems neither dark nor light. It's just there, haunting at the back of my mind, in my heart. It only goes away when I'm talking to someone, whether causing them pain or sharing in joy. That's the only time I can avoid this thing in me. This thing that makes me listless and devoid of feeling other than loneliness and lack of worth. Is it depression? Or is it something else? Maybe I'm losing my damn mind and just need to end it all. Instead of waiting and hoping for a day that this strange feeling will leave. It confuses me to no end. When I have no need for someone, they're there. But as soon as this weird feeling takes over, I am on my own... Does it mean I'm meant to disappear? Or does it mean I suffer from lack of timing? I have no idea. Other than this is probably the closest I can come to describe this void in me. A strange void that I can't fill, I can't see, I can't bear alone...
 Okamiwarzombie · Sat Jan 02, 2010 @ 11:04am · 0 Comments |
