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Well guess what...life is a b***h, but I'm sure you knew that. Everything was level for awhile, but it's all going quickly downhill. I ran into someone from my past, and he's now affecting my future. I shut my eyes and put my hands over my ears, but it doesn't change anything. And then there's Ryo...my sweet, sweet boyfriend. He proposed...and what did I do? I chickened out. *pats self on the back* Congradulations Mel, your a grade-A cold hearted b***h. What the hell is wrong with me? It's all I've ever wanted...but I was scared to death of it at the same time. Why was I so stupid. He didn't understand either. I've never seen him so hurt...or so mad. I dunno, after getting the door slammed in my face, I think it might be over. I really don't know at this point. I can cry all I want, but it won't change anything...no matter how much I want it to. Go figure. This is just too much. I've hurt the one I held close to me...now what? I've never felt so down. I know that killing myself wouldn't be the answer to any of this, but I can't help flirting with the idea. How could I have been so cold...to Ryo and ....he whos name shall not be mentioned. *sobs* damnit i'm such a ******** screw up. I'm like a walking curse. I need some heavy liquor...I've had it. Anyone got drugs? Give em up. I need some. Well ta-ta for now everyone. If you don't hear from me in the near future, I'm sure you can make an educated guess why. Whatever, I'm done.