Go to the tracks Sweetness See what was made before you Shape not size Too many angels died Faint with mistake It came from vents in the earth Gaseous in the form of blood It’ll froth Until it’s tangerine acid raping every cavity And in the morning The smother will be done and ready What can no longer Float like bubbles Feel genitals boil and warm Many a devil Obsidian and swollen As though bloated with the hate itself So go to the tracks This is the only body I get When you hear the whistle I’ve laid my head to rest (gone to bed),
Young Conductor
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I appreciate the length of the piece, it should not be any longer and not any shorter, it's perfect!!!
I think Angels and Devil imagery has a tendency to get a bit cliche but this was a beautiful and unique line that caught my attention:
"many a devil obisidian and swollen"
I think within the entire piece, everything is so abstract that it's hard for the reader to focus, but obsidian gives us a physical object that we can look at and feel, you know?
Perhaps in the beginning you can be more clear of what you are alluding to in "what's before you...shape not size" so that the other phrases have a subject?
I understand that layout of the words may have been changed by gaia, but I think it would be so cool to lay out each phrase like train tracks, in one column!!!
This is my favorite line:
"I've laid my head to rest (gone to bed)"
It is so poignant and youthful yet weary at the same time.