My Past, My Present
I sit here and reminisce
About the days I do not miss
When my only friend was me
Not that I was what one should be
Self mutilation was a past time of mine, then the lying
In hopes that it’d be an easy way keep from crying
I realized too late no one really cared
Which left me abandoned and truly scared
Not that it was hard to keep in the tears
Not that I was brave and didn’t run away from my fears
Tears became bad, and wholly too present
I hid away from fears, on my darkened crescent
Those were the days I wish I’d been blind
So that the mirror didn’t remind
Me of what I wasn’t and never would be
Me of what everyone else had to see
I may have appeared so, but it wasn’t that I couldn’t hear
It was that I was worried, afraid to shed a tear
Tears show weakness, and properly so
I allowed myself to be their show
Now to today, and brighten the lights if you please
Although I’m different than what everyone sees
My laugh has secured its place
And I’m not truly what one would call a head case
But every now and then, I realize I’m destroyed
I realize I’m still in an inescapable void
I look to my arms and still I see
The marks I’ve made of my own decree
The blood is still there, and it’s spread all around
Look to my arms, my back, my stomach, and they’ll still be found
Take a peek into my heart, and the ragged holes are still there
It’s just that now, I’ve learned how to bear
It’s easy to forget, every now and then
It’s easy to slip back, and do it again
I’ve made a name for myself, that doesn’t really fit
But that name, and what surrounds, is part of my sewing kit
Slowly pulling me back to sanity
Not doing a thing to boost vanity
They say time heals, but I’m not so sure
What is it when you have the help- but not the cure?
[[Side note: The answer? It's coping.]]
