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So, it's been a while since I've actually typed my feelings out for the world to see them. But, I figure I might as well start again, seeing as bottling things up can be a bad bad thing.

Anyhow, so, this is a recap of what has been happening during my overly long absence.

And, why I've been depressed lately.

The Break Up

Well, I was living with a girl who I thought loved me dearly.
I thought she cared enough to never think of another man in bed.
I thought she cared enough to keep my secrets between us.
But it was a lie.

I told her things, she told anyone she can.
I tried to take her places, but she wanted to stay in.
I tried to make her laugh, but I only made her mad.
I tried to sing to her, but she told me to stay silent.

You see, I was living with this girl who I had met over the net. For you see, I thought we were actually in love. I was even considering marrying her. But you see, you can believe what you want about someone, but the ugly truth rear's it's head as always.

You see, for this girl, I don't think she saw me as an equal.
She saw me as something to say, "I'm not single, leave me alone."
You see, because she loves to stay inside, and never go out, which is something I love.
I love going out and meeting new people all the time.

I loved this girl so much, I gave her something that I am not proud of anymore, nor will I for she did not deserve it.

My virginity

I wanted to give it to the girl who truly loved me, but I gave it to a girl who used me for sex.

One day, I tried to get her to go for a walk with me, but she looked me in the eye and said, "No, I'm waiting for something online."

Who would refuse to go for a walk with their other after dinner?
Who would rather be online talking to others then the one she supposedly wants?

Now you see, I didn't mind back then, for I thought she needed space.
But what she needed was reality.

She started talking to all these men online, promising them sex.
She claimed them to be so good of friends that they were her brother.
Yet, she did not realize how much that hurt me when she told me they were going to come to do a threesome in the other room while I watched TV.

Now you see, I tried to turn her straight, by being myself.
But she told me I was childish, and threw me out the window.

Was I so childish for wanting my girl to be mine alone?
I think not.
But, now my heart is broken, open and so sad.
For I loved someone, who never loved who I am.

I cry myself to sleep.
I try to forget what I've done.

But how can that be when I know I will not be able to give that one thing I wanted to give the one woman meant for me?

Well, this is the end of this post, I hope you all enjoy.
I hope you do not judge me.
For I really do loved her.
But now I don't, and I am saddened.
For now, I feel I am not good enough for any girl.