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um...um....
i finally went to the doctor to get actual medications (instead of the ones from philippines that fam made me took...]

quotes have been flying around my head;; along with the fact that everyone's grades are going DOWN. lol. (especially mine). I hate being sick, it totally sucks.all i can do is be crazy (that's what all my fevers do) while attempting to lay down. Then, i think. so blah, ended up reading some manga from library that i found...

something popped up :: "this man... ryuichi sakuma, changed my life." [from Gravitation manga]] ..and i thought "i wonder if i can truely say that about anyone"... i probably can't... because many people have changed my life.

...but... is there someone to actually turn it around completely? ..made me think...

but yeah, like always, i love my fams and friends. but iono...
should i go back to the negative side of thinking (cause i always think negitavely).... it's sorta hard to be positive these days...

for me anyway...
but there are always hardships, right? meh.....
as long as i graduate highschool... that's all i need to think about...
...because...in reality...people don't. and i have a LARGE family to watch over as one family is left to be petitioned to the U.S.. (like i actually watch over them).

and i keep mentioning my dad in conversations.... could it be that he's something to never get rid of? hmmm... (besides the fact that my mom has a house valued over $600k and is still paying for its previous price with 3 jobs and 2 kids ...as she still supports her brothers and sisters =/ )

*vent vent*. I still see people arount the family that are growing up. Annoying, cuz i can see my annoying self (and more), with each cousin growing.
Will I even have a family of my own? or live to see this family grow?
[[being sick sucks, especially when i think a lot]]

and w/ the manga and stories. I see/read about people going through life...following their dreams and such, or just plane happiness. when is it my turn to follow a dream? i don't even know what it is anymore...
crushed by negativity and real life...

*cough*. yeah, i have a weak body =.=''
oh well, as long as I'm alive >,< lol.
and i have a family...

just, it would be nice to hear something like "i'm glad you're hear"...or "you make me happy" or something to keep me alive...lol. cuz i know i love my family and friends, but i just don't show it like i'd want to. meh.

it would be nice to feel needed...lol

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quotes. ..********, did i forget theM?
here's one "just kiss your girlfriend and your troubles will go away" --uncle mario. he always surprises me with what he has to say (yet, he needs to tend to his family a lil more...like house work, but he clearly shows he loves his family)...

"never think you're not good enough".... ninja
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and...iono.... give uly a hug guys, cuz he needs it
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and screw x-mas presents (no offense)...lol. "what do you want for christmas?" ..i want....iono (don't you hate when people say that?). I want...for everyone to live...happy and sad. lol. Me? I'd like to feel more involved with everyone's lives. THat's what I want. But, for that wish to be granted, I have to make it happen for mehself. lol.

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stupid tummy hurts. to think, i have stomach reactions that are un-happy-ful to my tummy w/ milk and juice (at times). my tummy hurts (right after i got over that fever =,=' )

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no no, my wish, is for my family to stop eating junkfood and soda every other day -,-' can't it just be on weekends? i hate being a downer and hypocrite, and barely contain perfectionist thoughts as i procrastinate, but please, stop going to mikey d's and carl's junior (especially Jan Jan) ...and stop eating chips all the time (everybody in this family...)

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uncle mario cracked a joke ..i was like "i'm always sick" ...and he's like "you should start drinking soda"...lol...cuz i was complaining how miguel [cousin, since they here for a few more weeks in our house] and such always drink soda...

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and jan jan that heffer. as much as i love him, this dork cousin hasn't matured enough to be patient enough/stop asking people for favors and wanting them to happen now...and has a small tantrum/attitude if we point something negative/he's doing wrong (like he always eats junkfood... then he denies...then each time i talk to him on the phone he's buying burgers or eating chips -,-' .....)

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i hate my face, and my eyes. lol.yeah, i used to have wide eyes, but then they got weak. stupid eyelids. one has a kewl asian low eyelid, and one has a bright open white open eye thing...so i cover the open eye w/ my hair [lol]....................cuz the other eyelid is weak ...especially if it's got crap in it (like hair...dust...)

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vent vent** no track for me...just gospel choir mrgreen ..cuz i no condition/my legs will ache like hell for 2 weeks if i join right away [and i'm slow...and i tire easily].
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i still have grades to bring up/homework to do from the previous week that 2 weeks ago i was absent for. meh. wahtever "as long as i graduate"....

i should rest now....errr, read while resting my back...k...bye bye razz