[People who honestly care should read. Pictures at end.]
Ever since I met this one girl I feel I can connect to her. She has gone through bad things in life that I can barely imagine, yet I do and it tears me up inside. My parents just think she's crazy, that she's just another of my sisters crazy friends. Though bad things have happened to me that I yet to have shared on Gaia every month or so I find bruises on my body, on my legs, my neck. It scares me to a point where I cover it up no matter what. I can't remember things sometimes. Though this one girl made me feel stronger like she is, her parents are horrid. She takes medication for anxiety(spelling?) problems. She has a sweet and loving boyfriend that cares for her and makes her happy. My parents make fun of her just because she always mentions him. Its sweet to me that she's found love. The way I can always be happy is because when no one is around I cry till my hearts content so that I can have a smile when people see me. I'm not emotionally unstable my heart just hurts for everything I've been put through and the pain I feel. My parents think I'm the good child, they don't know that I cry a lot. They think I only cry infront of them... You must understand this is the hardest emotion to explain, though I don't know why I'm telling you all of this no offense, but I don't really think people care enough about me over the internet that they would take all the pain away. It makes my heart ache knowing that even my best friends can't help me. The one who helped me is a girl who doesn't even know she did. I know that some of my friends is real life would take pain for me but they wouldn't be able to take this pain away, its deep. Somehow I fooled myself to say that it didn't exist, though today old wounds have woken up. The men who have tried to do bad things to me. (Nothing as bad as rape, but they would've if they could've.) The moments where I almost died in a hopsital, and the bruises that remind me that I get injuries easily. I lie sometimes, on gaia the way I say I have too much school work it is true... Though I leave Gaia from time to time just so I can be by myself and not have to worry about other people's problems. Thats my job at school.
"Alicia this person was mean to me! "
"Alicia I need some help can you please help me?"
"Alicia I need some advice."
Alicia this, and Alicia that. Only 1 person has ever let me ask them for true help. And she's drifting away from me.
I still don't know why that one girl had this effect on me, but in real life... I'll keep my fake mask on. I'll stay who I am even if it pushes me to a nervous breakdown. People need me and don't have time to hear my silly problems. So I'll just keep on living as long as I can with this mask on.
Yeah I'm a little upset but I still have snazzy pictures:
I'm....... shiny?
Fwoosh!
