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you know how i roll
God damn it john I've sat by and gritted my teeth like the coward I am but this is the last straw. I was going to say this earlier and you know i was. here it is im letting it out now. ONE if you think jen is in love with you just because you were in a couple of past lives then you are more naive then i thought you could get. Now before I thouroughly piss you off i have something to say that i want you to actually READ before you dismiss me because im not the alpha dog. Ive never been able to talk to you openly, if i knew absolutly for a fact that you wouldnt go on a rampage and kill me i would, but you have to admit it john, your scary.You have unnecesary strength the body and mind of a killer. its like you dont even care about the strength of the heart as long as your body can kill people.I dont care who you are you arent going to just be open and honest to someone like that.However you are still family to me. I treasure our freindship and hate it when i see you hurt or mad and unable to do anything about it. BUT you've ALWAYS been a d**k to me and Casey, especailly to Casey. You act like an a** then after thouroughly distubing us. You calm down and go back to happy john mode. Youv'e especially been a d**k to us when you went through the whole "nikki fondeling incedent" you played it as nikki just likes being touched and i will admit she is a very tactile person. But still that is no excuse for playing with her feelings like that. Im still on before julie came here i know. still when you lashed out against casey saying that you "hated all people including him" you made casey cry. he didnt care anymore about his life. he wanted to leave and never come back right then and there. i had to convince him to not rip his own hand off and with his freakish strength i know he could do it. Before julie came here there was a certain "drinking incident". you lashed out at julie and then thought you ruined your relationship. PEOPLE DONT BREAK UP BECAUSE OF ONE GODAMN FIGHT. we all wanted to talk to you during that but you were being a p***k and all scary like. you brush us off EVERY TIME WE WANT TO TALK. We are on to the julie incident. The first time i went to talk to julie i was exited that i finally got to meet her. something about her rubbed me the wrong way but i was fine with it. i thought that this whole thing with jen and mom was just some little bit of jealousy that would come to pass. but day after day you have gotten a 'little bit" more and more of and a**. the children have started to loath class. they are all like "where has the old fun john go?". there was once a women with two children a black one and a white one the white one her own the black one a slave. the white one drops a plate and it breaks, the women says "MARLY! pick up that mess right now!" but with a sence of love toword the child. the black one drops a plate. the women takes the childs toy doll that she adores and throws it in the fire. "how do you like that you little b***h? you break something of mine i break something of yours." youve been acting like the second response. of coarse the children arent going to tell you to your face that you are being to strict you are scary and arroggent. ever since julie started coming to the bandon dojo the kids have been getting unruly. Case in point Eddie. You say not a single other person has complaind about this. well everyone has been depressed. santino especially.he wasnt depressed before she came he is now. admit it you havent been completly honest with us either. julie asked you if jen was the same jen that worked with you at figaro's and you said you didn't remember. she's the one that got you the job wasn't she? shiori seems to really be upset about her also. in fact at all our houses paranormal activity has been high. the clocks at my house. the penny that almost killed me. the cat that died for no reason. the ghosts at carly's house have been odd. i havent been able to do any nen right recently and dont tell me its because i dont train, i train everyday. my ten is laughable, more like a wirlwind that just kinda slugs things off. my ren has holes in it. ive had dreams with all my freinds with holes in them. recently (like the last two days) you have started to look better act better and sound better, dont know how long that it will last but right now you are better.before when i fought you , you felt like clothes on a clothes line wothout a john in it now you feel like theres a john there you have your strength back.It may or may not be her fault but i think she is a vampire. when she has been in the pressence of people her aura is large when she isnt or we are trying to sheild her from others she insantly gets tired, as if shes about to collapse. also she not very happy. she hates martial arts, the only reason she is doing them is because she thinks that it will make her more herself and you happier. you are treating her like a doormat with this "your way or the highway" bullshit. She's tired of it. She has been a doormat most of her life and your stepping all over her. she hasnt done a single thing that she has wanted to do since she has gotten here. its always "well, it makes him happy." I am afraid for my freinds to tell you the truth i have wanted them to be happy, i wanted her to go away. nikki is the only one she doesnt seem to affect. now look i want you to seriously consider what im saying. dont shrug me off like you always do. i know its difficult to put this into perspective cus youre there. we all are. its like working on a drawing and you zoom in on a line so close that it looks perfect from close up but when you get farther away it mispropotioned and out of place. oh and that little thing about having nothing but love in our hearts for her offends me. i dont care anymore what you may do to me now. prove to me that im wrong i want to be wrong john i dont want julie to be the reason that everyones energy systems are breaking the reason for the shadow in our dojo. you may break my bones or even kill me i now you dont really give a damn about us you just want to create an army or something. but you know what i care, i care what happens to santino, casey, carly, nikki, you, jen ,julie yes even julie , and mom. seriously think you need to sit down and talk with us, all of us. we need a meeting one where you dont just shrug us off like you always do. oh john i love you like family but i want this resolved i dont want anymore nights full of freinds dieing, me crying cuz i feal powerles cus i know that i cant do anything. or my mom nearly crying cuz you treat her like s**t. i just want everyone to be happy i hate this fealing, the fealing that i could have told you this but am too cowardly. my freinds being hurt because of it. the only thing that kept me back was that you hinted that you knew what was going on, like you were protecting us. now i just think you are clueless. i know that there is something more that i want to say but cant remember. plz dont kill me.
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