I answer the PMs late at night because when I open my inbox in the morning, I just see a sea of orange "New PMs" notifications and the reports in the queue waiting to be taken care of, which prompt me to sign off and watch some more Loki on my laptop, or get ready for school. At night I come home, exhausted from work at M&F, but still try to mod and answer the numerous PMs I've gotten during the day, trying to be a good mod despite the fact that..
Well, I can't deny it anymore, can I?
I'm burned out.
Royally.
I can't even stop long enough to try and recouperate though. Always, there's something new to be taken care of, something that someone has trusted me to take care of because they trust in me.
Ambu and I were chatting over AIM earlier...
Quote:
Ambu: true, and it does reflect on you, however I think the positive reflections speak louder. Most negative overgeneralizations are made by people who have dealt with 1, maybe 2 mods and had a bad experience. So the overgeneralize. People who speak positively, have actual proof and evidence as to why said mod is amazing, or great, or what have you
Ambu: you hear one person say "all mods are assholes" versus someone that says "aquafire is so great, she helped me so much when I had x problem"
Ambu: the one where the encouner is more personal will always speak louder
Aquafire: I know that too... I guess I just had so little faith in my modding ability.
Aquafire: *have
Aquafire: Or something..
Ambu: you really shouldn't. I know you do, because we've had so many talks about it, but you really shouldn't
Ambu: If there was some way for me to prove that you actually are good, I would do it. But I think it's something you'll have to find out for yourself before you trully believe it
Ambu: but it is out there, you just need to break through the general negative comments from people who don't know better
Aquafire: Other than all of the admins and mods ganging up on me and saying so... XP
Maybe...
Ambu: razz
Ambu: i think your peers are the ones you should listen to though wink since they're the ones that know exactly what you're going through and have to deal with
Ambu: regular users, and even your friends only know a minimal of the mod issues you have to deal with, but mods know all about what you have to put up with, and if they're saying you're doing a good job, i would believe they know better than someone who can't se
Ambu: I know you personally, so i would guess I know more than your average user about what you deal with, but really; I don't know all the things you have to deal with, all the time on a daily basis, so yeah
Aquafire: Nono, I mean, that's the only way I'd believe it.
Ambu: ooh
Ambu: well, really, i know a lot of mods who already think so, Missy razz
Aquafire: ...Uh-oh. Who have you been talking to? o.O;
Ambu: lol, quite a few people actually .. but I don't need to talk to anyone specifically to see what they have to say
Ambu: I read it in your LJ, in your gaia journal, in the helper chat when your name comes up
Ambu: a lot of mods do respect you, and think you do well, they of course also worry about you driving yourself batty since you never seem to rest :p but they see the good you do
Aquafire: ...Wait. I get talked about in the helpers chat ?!
Ambu: lol, a few times, yes razz
Aquafire: ....o_____________________O;
Ambu: and it's usually "ambu, you're mentor is crazy, she won't stop doing reports, make her stop, she's done enough"
Aquafire: ....Seriously?
Aquafire: I find that kinda funny...
Ambu: lol, why?
Ambu: i'm really not that suprised about it
Aquafire: How come?
Ambu: someone will mention "ooh, someone already got that thread" or "someone dealt with that" and on quite a few occasions that's been followed by a "is aqua on gaia >.>?
Ambu: you hear one person say "all mods are assholes" versus someone that says "aquafire is so great, she helped me so much when I had x problem"
Ambu: the one where the encouner is more personal will always speak louder
Aquafire: I know that too... I guess I just had so little faith in my modding ability.
Aquafire: *have
Aquafire: Or something..
Ambu: you really shouldn't. I know you do, because we've had so many talks about it, but you really shouldn't
Ambu: If there was some way for me to prove that you actually are good, I would do it. But I think it's something you'll have to find out for yourself before you trully believe it
Ambu: but it is out there, you just need to break through the general negative comments from people who don't know better
Aquafire: Other than all of the admins and mods ganging up on me and saying so... XP
Maybe...
Ambu: razz
Ambu: i think your peers are the ones you should listen to though wink since they're the ones that know exactly what you're going through and have to deal with
Ambu: regular users, and even your friends only know a minimal of the mod issues you have to deal with, but mods know all about what you have to put up with, and if they're saying you're doing a good job, i would believe they know better than someone who can't se
Ambu: I know you personally, so i would guess I know more than your average user about what you deal with, but really; I don't know all the things you have to deal with, all the time on a daily basis, so yeah
Aquafire: Nono, I mean, that's the only way I'd believe it.
Ambu: ooh
Ambu: well, really, i know a lot of mods who already think so, Missy razz
Aquafire: ...Uh-oh. Who have you been talking to? o.O;
Ambu: lol, quite a few people actually .. but I don't need to talk to anyone specifically to see what they have to say
Ambu: I read it in your LJ, in your gaia journal, in the helper chat when your name comes up
Ambu: a lot of mods do respect you, and think you do well, they of course also worry about you driving yourself batty since you never seem to rest :p but they see the good you do
Aquafire: ...Wait. I get talked about in the helpers chat ?!
Ambu: lol, a few times, yes razz
Aquafire: ....o_____________________O;
Ambu: and it's usually "ambu, you're mentor is crazy, she won't stop doing reports, make her stop, she's done enough"
Aquafire: ....Seriously?
Aquafire: I find that kinda funny...
Ambu: lol, why?
Ambu: i'm really not that suprised about it
Aquafire: How come?
Ambu: someone will mention "ooh, someone already got that thread" or "someone dealt with that" and on quite a few occasions that's been followed by a "is aqua on gaia >.>?
So yeah, they're all beng silly... but I guess I've really been pushing myself to my limits over the last... 10 months?... and I finally crashed.
Is it really that noticeable? My intense level of activity and the such, I mean. Am I truly making the difference I was hoping to do when I accepted that mod offer in January?
Is it even making a dent anywhere??
I can still mod, but I'm sure as hell nowhere near my normal pace. I don't know if I'll ever be able to recover that again either though.
We'll see. I don't want to ask to be demodded for a month, because I just -know- that would drive me up the wall, but still... I have to do what I can, forced or not.
It's all I can do now.
