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Insanity isn't something that can be really defined, is it? Some people might define it as having a mental disorder or some sort, but everyone has a mental disorder. Anything that doesn't fit the general idea of the American dream; get married, start a family, own a large house, have a successful job, and get really fat, can be classified as a mental disorder. Some cases of being single is a disorder. Some cases of being married or in a relationship is a disorder. We just can't win.
But a mental disorder can't be what defines the line between sanity and insanity, can it? It's too vague, someone could have a slight mental disorder, hardly noticeable to anyone but themselves, but still be considered quite sane. In my opinion, there are different types of insanity, each classified thier own way. But sticking with the idea of a mental disorder, you aren't really insane unless that disorder affects your daily life to such a degree that it could even affect those around you. Even that's kinda vague... Who's to tell the definite point at which something starts to make an impact on your life?
But then, why do so many people, especially people around my age, claim to be insane, and even take it as a compliment? They obviously aren't--The fact that I see them on a daily basis, and see the way they act, and can only think them normal seems proof enough. And then, these same people will speak a lot about the loony bin, a padded cell, or whatever might pop into their head. Simply because it is associated with the crazy. But did they ever stop to really think about what they're saying? About how frightening it would be to have your arms strapped to your body by an uncomfortable jacket with a bag over your head, and spend your days in a small and foul cell padded for your own protection?
I'll admit, I have claimed to be insane from time to time, but never really believed it. Always just play, and I do hope that it was understood as that.
I've had a lot of time to just sit and think lately. I'll lay in bed for hours at a time before finally falling asleep, and I've hit nearly every topic my little mind is capable of these past years. I figured, why not spend this time to learn more about myself? Whenever someone asks me something such as what I do for fun, I never really know. That's bugs me, I should know about my own life. Randomly, one night I realized that I do remember a lot of my dreams. I don't think about them, in fact I've never thought about these dreams since I dreamt them. As an example, last entry I mention something about how the last time I drew gore or something a couple of boys died in a dream of mine.
I distinctly remember the dream--a couple of kids only about six or seven years old, lying dead in a ditch because I drew a bloody picture.
I don't remember having the dream, I don't remember waking up from the dream, I hadn't even realized it was a dream until my friend had mentioned drawing something gory, and then it all came flying back at me.
Which also lead me to realize I have a lot of memories of things I know have never happened, but I can't explain how they made their way into my head. They have that surreal feeling, so my best guess is that they came from a dream one night and I had simply forgotten about it. But then there are also those memories I remember so distinctly, and seem so real, but are fakes. This does affect my daily life. I've dreamt up conversations with people I hardly know, and then end up avoiding them afterwards because of the things said.
Yet, I wouldn't consider myself crazy. Just a little unsane.
Then again, another idea of insanity I have is when you do something that is not right, but believe it is. Such as talking to yourself, or hearing voices in your head.
 Leamony · Wed Nov 30, 2005 @ 06:56am · 3 Comments |
