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Okaii.. Soz.. Well. Today, I signed into my msn after drinking some coffee. My girlfriend left me a message when I was offline. So, to myself, I'm thinkingz, oh hai, she must not be able to get on today. So, I click. *I hadn't been on in two days.* This is what she left me.

Sakumi said:
I'm sorry, I've made a horrible mistake... I really just.. don't feel comfurtable with this relationship. I know you do, but you don't understand how hard it is for me... I knwo you have amnesia, and I understand it isn't your fault. besides, I feel better just as friends...

Okie.. So.. Let's interepret this, into what I think it means.. "I'm sorry, I've made a horrible mistake." She made the mistake of dating me. "I don't feel comfortable with this relationship." I don't quite get that, moving on. "You don't understand how hard it is for me..." Well... You can't say that. You don't know the way I feel. Maybe, I had a rough day. Maybe this relationship is just as hard as it is for me, or rather was just as hard.

"I know you have amnesia, and I understand it isn't your fault, beides, I feel better just as friends..." Okay. I get the friends part and sure, I had amnesia. Fortunatly, I got my memory of some people back, but I still don't remember her at all. Which is why I asked her out, I was hoping that it would set off a flash back, or a premonition.

This is some prejudice bullshit. Basically, she left me because I had amnesia. So ******** what if I had amnesia? I wanted to make new memories with her.

Let's see what happened a while before that.. I dated a girl named Quiana.. She knew I had amnesia, but she asked me out. She disappears for two days. When she comes back.. She pretends to have amnesia. Now me, I'm sensitive about these type of things, and I actually believed her, because I had no reason to believe otherwise. Anyway. My brother talks to her, yes I have a brother in real life, she figures out that she's cheating on me with Kori, or Sakumi, whatever you want to call her, and notice, about a month later, I'm dating Kori.

Okay. So when that relationshit was done.. I started dating Maxine. We already dated before, by the way, her gaian name is Azurii-san. She's getting married today. To the fiance she cheated on with me. I admit, I cheated too. That was pretty strange, y'know?

My best friend Zack introduced me to Maxine, dated her, did whatever, then we broke up for whatever reasons. Anyway.. Then Zack introduced me to Kaile. I was dating Maxine. On gaia, I figured out that Kaile knew Maxine.. I figure no big deal.. Then when I ask about it. I figure out that Kaile's online brother is Maxine's fiance. I tell Kaile what I know. She calls me a liar, and after calling me a liar she tells me that she never wants to speak to me. That was a little disappointing, but I don't give a s**t. Sure my feelings for Kaile were much more than that of Maxine, but I spoke the truth. If she didn't believe me, ******** her.

Now, now, I know I've cursed multiple times gaia. But don't ban me for it. TT^TT.

Oh yeah.. and before I dated Kori.. I dated Katie, or blackwolf5241 here on gaia. Things were going just fine between me and her... I'm bipolar. I tend to take long to make decisions, and rethink them carefully. Anyway. I had an outburst, and yelled at Katie. Then, me and her broke up.. I wasn't too phased about it at the time, but I was hurt.

After that, I had a premonition, it came to me as a dream. I was in front of Quiana's grave site. In front of me there was someone sitting down with a glass of wine in his hands. He was sitting in the grass and staring at the tomb stone with her name on it. I tried to move, but he got up and turned around to face me. He looked exactly like me, that scared the crap out of me. Seeing myself commit suicide like that.. All the while, he yelled. "You killed her! You ******** killed her!" I didn't see the name on the tombstone till after he slit my throat with the broken glass wine bottle. It stung because of the wine, otherwise, I would have felt nothing.

Then, just recently.. I began to throw up blood. Really, it was after I found out Katie had a new boyfriend. It came out of my nose, and my mouth. The first time, I tried to stop, but I choked on the blood and kept throwing up.

The second time, was this morning. Right after, I had acid reflex. My throat is killing me and I can barely talk. I went to the hospital. They said nothing was physically wrong with me. So.. I guess it must be mental strain.

Oh.. and yeah, I'm going to be on gaia all spring break. And I'm probably going to be on for some time after all of that. Cya later, people who actually read my diary.. or journal.. Whatever. .w.