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today i was in a cosplay contest i was a maid from maid in ahikabara i won crowd favorite i don't know if that's better then first or not but i did get more stuff then the first place person did 4laugh that was the high light of the day the rest of the day was lonely even though i was with other people i still felt lonely their are so many people that i miss right now i always want to cry lately but for me crying in front of others is showing weakness but i still wake up to a wet pillow i worry about things i shouldn't like my niece Kai ever since my sister moved i always worry about her for a while after my sister left i would still hear her cry at night i felt so helpless because i couldn't go and make her stop i couldn't comfort her all i could do was lay their and listen to the sound of her cries i wanted so badly to go to her but i couldn't because she wasn't there she was with my sister she was to far away for me to hold her and after a while my sister sent me pictures of her she got so big i cried because i knew i would never be able to hold my sweet little kai again and that i may never even see her again i worry about Anna i haven't seen her for so long i wounder if she's okay and if she's spoken yet or if she's still silent to think of her crying without words make me so sad when i remember her being happy and laughing she always laughed at one of the dacco music vidoes when yura sama punched lida she would always ask me to play it again i wounder if she'll ever smile again i hope she does i want her to be happy