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I don't ask why, I just fall into the meadow
I close my eyes , and wait to die
Yes, I am a liar
Yes, I am a sinner
Please forgive my broken soul

But I've got nowhere else to go
They made the world so hard
If I had somewhere else to go
I could be a star like you
Special like you
A star like you
Special like you

But I?ve got nowhere else to go

(Hed) P.E. - The Meadow

Just as a warning. Im Ranting right now. whenever i vent i dont always mean everything i say. Always being the opritive word

But im so tired of things as they are....
Im so tired of Myself...Being so lazy. Not working for things all the time..
Just Drifting along in life. Im sick of myself as is.. Not in shape either.
Im self-destructive, I cant see why people stick around me...

Im tired of my parents... How they always want me to go by how THEY want things, I understand somewhat, but i operate differently than they do. Why dont they take the time to notice that? And dispite how much you love someone, How can you tell someone YOUR ******** SICK OF THEM?? You cant. You have to suck it up and stick it out. Whooptie ******** doo. And if i do something wrong WHOO HOO! i lost acces to something! And im stuck with them for a few more years cause not going to school is not an option.... But theres no way i can afford Schooling, Home, and Car expenses on my own Without burning myself out... Jack in the Box Wont cut it. I need something better.....

Im aslo becoming somewhat anti-Social... ill spend some time with people But for the most part i dont care.... It feels like im being a bad person sometimes cause i dont want to hear everyones problems if i cant help...
I know i help by listening, but if i cant do more than that id just rather choose Ignorance.... My friends need help. I want to. But i cant do a ******** thing sometimes... And that pains me. Sometimes the only one i feel i can talk to cant anymore..... Im not blaming her but i need to get this out... She seems almost too busy for anything...Its not her fault but she has school and work.. But its almost as if she knows Regardless...
She knew that i liked her.. Weve been friends for years, and after a few i Gave up on her. Shes not gonna like me the same way..Shes told me herself... Im family to her. Thats it. But I still cant help but wonder if i have a chance... It sounds lame i know but i still do. Ive even wondered a few times if im in love with her. Thats a phrase i stay away from like a plague cause if i say it, i want to mean it. But ive wondered if thats the case... But as i said. She doesnt like me in the same sense.... But It still hurts all the time, I call her and shes gone/busy/about to leave and i never get to talk to her It doesnt matter what we talk about.. Just as long as we can talk.... Shes the only one i feel i can come to with anything without being judged...She's kept me so many times from hurting myself But it sometimes doesnt matter cause she's also the cause of some of my pain.. Even some music still reminds me of her.. Maroon 5 - This love. We danced to that... Every time i hear it i remember that. We also danced to greendays Good riddance.. Danced close too.. I know she wasnt thinking the same thing, but at least i could pretend i had someone. I mean shes a great girl, But shes causees me so much pain... She stabs me in the back without knowing it and then asks "How are you?" I'd awnser, but io know shes gonna have to go. I dont know why i bother. Its not gonna happen.. But seriously Is it too much to ask for SOMEONE to care about me? more than a friend? This has been happening for Years on years... Im in everyones friend box... Im the big brother, The friend everyone can depend on... Id like it if Someone could care about me as more than that.. Ive even considered finding someone, and even if they didnt care, at least make me think they do. Make me think im needed somehow.
No matter how many friends i have i still Feel alone.. Nomatter what.. Im tired of that... Maybe it'll change when i move... And yes. I am moving.. Im so tired of this Goddamn Town... my friends are the only reason i'd stay.. But obvously i need a change badly enough im leaving... Maybe ill find someone when i move...
Dont think im obsessive over this girl either.... You'd probably be in this same state similar if you had feelings for someone for almost 6 ******** years and never said a word. Possibly longer.....Shes my Best friend. Period.

im done for now.
I really hope "she" Doesnt read this. If you are.. Just tell me. Please.

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And my heart is breaking in front of me
She said Goodbye too many times before

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore...
Maroon 5 - This love

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