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in this world where i am not alone in my own head i stand in a war filled battlefield looking at wat ive done to the men and wemen fighting and seeing all their blood on the ground as i fall to my knees and begin to dig their graves while the crimson tears fall evermore from my eyes and i cry out to god for forgiveness but all is quite, i have been forsaken and left alone even by the god who created me as he morns what he created inside of me, crying for telling me the price of immortality and the fact that it was paid in full by me. and now im alone and in eaturnal pain that will never stop changed and no longer human, i weep for all ive done and knowing that there is no longer forgiveness in gods heart for me and feared by even Lucifer and rejected by life and death forsaken by all that is. thats what lurks behind my eyes and ears every morning, day, and night and i feel it every second of it and i die inside and i am reborn again in that pain. now come and tell me im fine and things could be worse and that its prefectly normal to feel the wind on my skin, teaste the tears and smell the blood and hear the silence and see all this behind everything else in the world no i am alone in this and always will be. dont dont feel sorry for me for i do not deserve your pity or anyones love even though i crave the love of another. leave me to be immortal so i dont have to watch death come to those i love and feel jelous for them! pain is my life and always will be and im fine with that. and as i see no end to my story here ill just stop talking so you can get on with all of your lifes. live well and be happy.