To no one in particular,
I can't believe what a fool I have been. So there is this Guy. . . and he is absolutely wonderful. Like, perfect. There is only one problem, he is like 354 miles away. . . literally. But I am going to be getting my license in July or August. . . I need to get it. Then I would not have to bum rides, lolz.
So anyways, I have been feeling like a crazy b***h. . . Let's just say I hurt someone. Why does honesty always hurt people? Though I never meant to hurt him. . . That is the last thing I would EVER want to do. . . Because I like him, a lot. . . A LOT! Sometimes I just think God is playing with me, seeing how far He can push me before I break. (God, I sound so dramatically emo. . . eww. Please excuse my emoness. . . It has been a hard couple of days. . .)
Well anyways, I wish I could take back what I had said. I wish more than anything I could take it back. It was one of the most stupid things I have ever done. . . Even though he says its okay. . . I since a wall between us now. If I had a license and a car then I probably would have driven there. . . I hurt him. . . I can't believe I feel this awful, what does it mean? I'm so confused.
So anyways, all I have been doing is moping around. And it seems the one time I'm upset everyone is all like noticing me when I don't want to be noticed. I don't want to explain my problems to people. Like my father, God, I think I would die if I talked to him, because he would be all like 'You talked about what?! You two call each other what?!' So I keep everything to myself. Even though I need to talk to someone.
I guess I kind of wish that he was mad at me, not understanding. Not acting like everything is okay. Maybe it is, maybe it's just me dragging things out because I feel bad. . . I wish he would just be mad at me. . . So I could feel better, because I deserve anger. . . I never meant to hurt you, ever.
I can't believe I am beating myself up about this so much. And I hate how much I feel like I am making myself out to be the victim! I'm not! I'm the villain. . . I need some divine intervention right now.
-a very confused Cena confused -
 CenaWena · Tue Feb 10, 2009 @ 08:53pm · 0 Comments |
