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thanks to one of you, I almost lost the reason to live... but I am fine now, I think. My arms may tell a different story, and my journals and memories and family might too, but I feel fine-ish. A friend once said "let me be your pain" I know that that would never work. The pain keeps me remembering that I am alive and it saves me from being numb. I can be cold and relentless, I can also be happy and free, but now I am caught in between. I am lost in a world of darkness and my light just went out, not so much went out as I can't find the electrical socket to plig it back in again. So here I sit, in the darkness, with all the time in the world to think but I don't want to. Maybe I don't want to understand. Anyway, get on with the story you're all saying, well here it is.
I am home alone because family dearest is out with Andrew. I am alone, always alone, with no one to call out to and it would be useless to scream becasue no one would hear me. The knife in my hands has my own blood on it, but then I realized what I have, and why I should stay alive. No one said that I would make it in this world of toys and tempers, I am here to prove them wrong. The scars will be there forever, and they will help me remember what I have. Although it is a little embarrassing to tell you all this, I'm real glad I can.