Recently I have been haunted with dreams of my past... all the reason's for every scar on my wrist, arms, legs, neck.... and how they all told me I was stupid because they loved me why would I do something like that when all they wanted to be was with me...
but looking back I did those things because of the abuse they were putting me through... Sure they said they loved me but I had to act a certain way... listen to their music, watch their moves, walk their path, dance their beat... I wasn't allowed to be me... Allowed to feel my emotions... Many times I was slapped or hit when I cried to them about Family or friends, they would make me leave my friends, not let me talk to my family not let me be a part of society...
One was bad enough that he collard me and that was the end of my free will.. to this day I have not recovered from that fully... to this day I have to have someone I can say "owns" me or I can not function... I know it is not healthy but it is something my mind cannot break away from... hopefully after I spend more time talking to the vast space that is my Gaia Journal and hope that its rewarded in some helpful thoughts
Welcome one and all, the show is about to start... take your seats and hold your breath, I promise this is one show you will never forget
NyxianaSpades · Sat Dec 13, 2008 @ 06:41am · 1 Comments
