So its about that time once agian to give you guys an update on my life so far. as usual its nothing exciting and honestly i kinda lost that momentum i previously had earlyer today so....yea, this is gonna be a straight forward mello one. that is unless i start to rant about something stupid (pointless) but,...well we'll just have toa wait and see what my heart says. rolleyes Anyways, for those who didn't know, my computer recently was fried (agian) and for another week i was out of commision, but everythings fine now. just that all those stories i told you about and pictures i once had, music, vids, etc....yea, there all gone now, so it sucks but its kinda like a burning building. either you look at trhe ashes and say "boy, what a shame" or you look at them and say "hey, what an oppertunity!" in other words i could mop about everything i lost (which isn't much really) or i can just start anew and learn how to back up my files and junk like that. alright now that thats taken care of on to the other main thingy kinda, College life. after waiting mounths to hear from them i've finaly got my foot into the door. but its not the place i originaly set out for ( if you don't know or remember that one, it was Clevland institute of art, lovely place, very pricey too. plus the fact that i'd have to get an appartment, job and find my way to and from school at a place i've never ben to before,...yea. it would have been a great learning experiance, but god kept me here in louisville for a reason, i'll tell you about that one later) instead its JCC (jeferson community college) which is alot simpler, easy to get to, and seems ok so far (i start in spring so,...yea) now on a more personal note, i'm currently battling with myself on the role i'm suppose to play in a certian persons life (no its not anyone on here) i've called here the ghost before because of our past history which i'm sure one day i'll finaly tell you guys about, but anyways. she's pregnat with triplets, father seem to have baild for the moment, see looks to me for balance guidance, support, and comfort. now, in the back of my head i'm reminding myself not to fall for it agian, i've known since day one we could never be more than friends, i've tested the waters and found out there's a big gap between us. yet, even with our past history (nothing really ever happend, basicly she let me so close into her world that i thought we could be a couple but when i let my feelings be known she kinda put up a sheled on me, plus somethimes its hard to believe her or truely read what she wants from me) theres something in my head that i can't really explain though, its telling me that we're gonna be connected for life. she's stuck in my life for better or worse, even if i can't be here lover, i'll continue to be her friend. and if she allows me, i'll help her with the kids aswell. i want to be there for her but, its hard at times, especialy when we've never met face to face (which is one reason why i sometimes refer to her as the ghost, cause although we live so close together, we've never meet face to face, i've offed get togethers, invited her places, even to my graduation. she says yes but either canles late or is a no show so...yea) but no matter what i want her to know i'll always be there, weither she needs me or not. i've given up on being her lover since we have very little to talk about and only time that we do talk is when somethings troubling her or she's excited about a new bf stare which i used to be very jealous of but, now i'm just concern about her safty. i don't want her to get hurt anymore than she was in the past with love, but this whole baby fiasco is just another strike i guess. but she's really stepping up to her duties, althought it was a one night stand, she still wants to have them, dispite what the father thinks. but she knew for the start he was shady. i just hate to hear when something bad happens to her. but....i guess its just life. everything happens for a reason. the karma effect so to speak. sweatdrop The one fear i have is where i fit into all this. She didn't have to tell me she was pregnat, how could i have know anyway? but, i think i was like one of the first to know, since when she told me the guy she was with didn't even know yet. in some ways i think that she truly does feel something for me, kinda like love but just different some how. and maybe we share the same fears, of hurting the other person. but i know that somewhere i hold a place in her heart, i just don't know what that possition is exactly, but she does care for me. by her i've been called her guardian angle, her rock, her little brother, Prince tonto (which is spanish for silly...atleast that what she told me) and i've been threw her ups and downs, breakups, heart aches, pain, joy, laughter and happyness....who knows what will happen in the future. maybe we'll just continue to live our lives parrellel, never touching. or maybe oneday our paths will finaly cross and i'll be able to hold her hand and stair into her eyes...,yea, who knows, but anyways, sorry for the rammbleings about nothing. hope everyones ok and if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, laugh on, or just waste time with, mines is always vaccent. 3nodding toodles! mrgreen
T-Man V3 Community Member 
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