Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I just got back from Sawade's after watching most of Pirates of the Crinbbian (spelled wrong, it's 1:04 AM) and Iron Chef with Sarah and Garrett. I had to leave, so I left them alone together watching a movie.

How cute.

It's nice that I think they're together and all. I don't really know if they are or not, because that's not how Sarah does it. Her relationships are discriet, and Garrett never tells me anything, at least not anything meaningful and real. I think that's where I lose my respect for him. He never seems real to me. Perhaps he is, there's a good chance he is, but it never is known to me 'cause he never talks to me about anything. I never knew about his girlfriends, the truck he bought, nothing. And he's supposidly my best friend?

We need to have a talk, him and I.

I guess I'm just edgy on this subject because I've been thinking about romantic relationships a lot lately. My romantic relationships. I suck at them. I try to push them into this freaking mold I've made up in my mind and it doesn't work.

Right now this girl, Brittany. I just started to get to know her. She's a junior, and in my Spanish class. She was at Deandra's party and we hung out a little. She gave me that feeling, you know? That feeling that you've just met somebody that you're definitely gonna really like. There's a connection, a spark right away. It came from nowhere and can't really be explained, which is great, because that type of stuff excites the heck outta me.

The only problem is what to do next.

I've been praying. Yeah, lame, I know, praying to the Almighty about my petty love afflictions. But I haven't been praying that we just get together and live happily ever after. I always imagine God hearing those prayers and going "Phhhffft, what a selfish twit". Seriously, I think that's what He does. And that's cool, 'cause I would be a selfish twit, and would love for Him to point that out to me.

No, I've been praying for...something else. I just want His will to be done in my love life. Ya know? He's got a plan for me. The other Brittany I dated, I dated her for a reason. I see it now. We broke up, but holy crap, she changed me so much for the better and I can't think of how I'd be without that relationship.

So I guess I've been praying that if this is the girl I'm supposed to be going for then fantastic, God. If not, alright. I haven't felt this spark in a long time. The recent crushes I've have had to have been started, kindled. This just blew up in my face. Which is awesome.

She joined drama this year, which means soon I'll be seeing her for 2 hours every other day. I figure that'll be a good time to figure things out. I just hope I can keep my mind clear. Love mucks up my vision and I lose myself too easily in persuing it. I gotta stay real.

Real. I like realness. I don't want to become what I think is stupid, like I have in the past.

This is me, for crying out loud, alright?!