View User's Journal

Nerrorator: It is the end of the trojan war. On his way home, Ulysses' crew stops to pillage and raid a village.

Ulysses: Get 'm men! Let none survive!

Nerrorator: When they set sail again, they were forced to bail some of their precious treasures from troy. The treasures attract Niads, whome swim near the ship, giving posiden a nasty disposition to ulysses.

Posiden: Can it be? are these the warriors whom I helped in their siege of troy? Is this their gratitude, trying to steal my naiads from me, posiden, god of the sea? I'll teach them manners.

--------
Nerrorator: And to teach them these manners, he blew them off course, onto a strange and foreboding island.

*ulysses' crew sits and finds flowers (lotuses)*

Crew member1: Hey look, flowers... let's eat them!

Crew member2: That's random, but it seems like a good idea!

*the crew falls asleep*

Ulysses: Great... Now I have to carry them to my ship. Luckly I have the willpower to resist the tempation of these flowers. *hoists them up and carries them off-screen*

--------
Nerrorator: Ulysses Sailed on and on, and he soon came to an island with seemingly no inhabitants.

Sailor1: Hey! A cave! We could get in that for shelter!

Sailor2: sounds like a good idea to me.

Nerrorator: later...

Sailor1: Oh crap, a cyclops.

Ulysses: Never fear! I'll use my amazing wit to destroy the beast!

Nerrorator: and he did that. (meanwhile, ulysses kills an imaginary cyclops) With the cyclops blind, they got away. Unfortunately for them, this pissed off posiden even more than he was already.

--------
Nerrorator: Ulysses sets sail again only to find a large golden wall in his way. Soon he is sitting beside the god of winds telling him his story.

Ulysses: ...So that's what happened.

Wind god: Great story. Have some winds to get you home.

Nerrorator: later, back on the ship, ulysses makes an announcement to the crew.

*ulysses holds up bag*

Ulysses: I've got the winds to carry us home! No body open it, or who knows what will happen.

Sailor2: *pops the bag* heheheh... that was fun.

Nerrorator: the winds flew them far back on their journey then. They were all depressed.

----------

Nerrorator: They approached an island.

Ulysses (to sailor2): hmm... that scout I sent hasn't returned... what should I do?

Sailor: Go yourself!

Ulysses: kay.

Nerrorator: Ulysses started climbing the tree he told his scout to climb, when all of a sudden....

cannibal: ROAR!!!!!

Nerrorator: ...The tree turned out to be a cannibal giant! They retreated back to the ship, but they lost many sailors that day.

----------
Ulysses: here I am at a strange island in a strange castle....

Circe: Greetings ulysses, I am circe.

Ulysses: What did you do to my men?

Circe: Turned them into pigs!

Ulysses: Turn them back!

Circe: Fine, but only because you have that pretty flower.

Nerrorator: And so ulysses was off again, this time to the land of the dead

-----------

Ulysses: Men! Kill those goats and spill their innocent blood into this dark trench!

Sailor 1: You are getting wierder and wierder ulysses.... *complies, and pantamimes killing a goat*

Nerrorator: Soon they herd the ghosts.

Ghost: whach out for the demons who want to kill you: the sirens, scillya, and that other gross demon thing.

Ulysses: thank you for your vuable advice ghosts.

Nerrorator: and ulysses was on his way.
-----------
Nerrorator: back on the ship...

Ulysses: Dear me, it looks like we're being attacked by rocks! Men! Kill the rocks!

Sailor1: (to sailor 2) see what I mean? Crazyyyy...

Sailor2: I'm starting to agree with you.

Ulysses: fine! Then avoid them!

Nerrorator: They evaded the rocks only by escaping into the streight where the demons the ghosts had warned them about were.

Ulysses: Now crew, I want you to avoid the singing, and tie me to the mast so I can know when we're by the sirens.

Sailor1 (louder than necissary): I CAN'T HEAR YOU: YOU ORDERED ME TO PUT BEESWAX IN MY EARS.

Ulysses: Oh yeah....

Nerrorator: They made it past the sirens and soon found their way to the next demons, Scyillya and Charybdis.

Ulysses: Onward crew! Only a few strokes left!

Nerrorator: But six of the crew members were swept away by Scyillya! (crew member 1 & 2 get pulled off stage) It was horrible, but they managed to get away.
------------

Nerrorator: later, on a new island.

Ulysses: the ghosts also told me not to eat the cattle men. We will all die if we do!

Sailor 1: Yes, but we'll die painfully if we starve! (to sailor 2) I'm going to eat them when he's asleap.

Nerrorator: After the crew ate the cattle, Ulysses ordered a quick retreat back to the ship, trying to outrun the gods. It didn't work. The winds blew and blew their ship until it shattered and everyone on board was killed, save ulysses, who soon passed out only to awaken on a small island with another strange lady that wanted to court him.

ulysses: Hey man, I gotta go home to see my REAL wife, you understand, right?

Calypso: Sure... I'll NEVER LOVE AGAIN!!!! *sobs*

Nerrorator: Ulysses was granted a boat with which to return home. Unfortunately posiden saw him and got angry he was still alive. He ship-wrecked his ship (again).

Ino: I am ino! I grant you my vail so you can stay warm and float!

Ulysses: Thank a bunch!

Nerrorator: With ino's veil, he made it to an island and soon passed out. only to be found by a princess who took him to her father, and after some persuasion, got Ulysses a boat.

Princess: father, grant this man a boat so he can return home!

King: Fine!

Ulysses: Thank you kind king.

Nerrorator: With the ship, he finally made it home and killed the suiters.

Ulysses: How dare you try and take my wife from me! I'll kill you!

Suiter 1: uh oh...

Suiter 2: I didn't mean-- *inturuped by ulysses shooting him with an arrow, soon suiter 1 joins 2*

Ulysses: and with that, my journey is at an end!