I feel... bad. That is the only way I can put it. My continued state of mind has lasted since the election. I don't blame everything on the election. I've been in this state before.
It is a dangerous state.
I feel nervous, desperate. Desperate to prove myself. So I go out, and I try to get as much of an ego boost as I can, from as many sources as possible. And the slightest criticism devastates me. I could be Mother Theresa, and if one person in the world thinks that I'm not perfect, it will hurt.
I want people to dote on me, and I'm not happy unless they do. I am only happy while they are doing it. I hate being such an attention whore.
When I get like this, my head and my chest hurt. It gets kind of hard to think, like I am drunk. Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy. I should probably get on some antidepressants.
And of course when I get in this state, sucky things happen to me. Today I butted heads with one of my room mates. I maintained my sweet disposition, took all the blame, and just feel very... very... embarassed.
I thought I'd came so far from the state I was in a year or so ago. I hate how easy it is for me to slip back into my old habits, but I don't know what to do.
Just love me, and forgive me. I'll try to be better.
Ursah Bunny Community Member 
|
|
Community Member
I don't think it's a bad thing to seek approval, though. Suffering from low self-esteem myself, I know how important it can be to have your time and effort validated with a positive response. I know you need it at times.
And I already do love you.