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Alright, I've been doing some self evaluating on who and what I am exactly. I'll start with when I was in seventh grade, the begining of how I got to who I am today.
Febuary '03; That was when I opened up my eyes. The time when I casted my childish ways away and became aware of who I was. I became depressed with myself a whole lot. In short terms; I was an emotional mess. I was quite disturbed. I didn't want to be in school, I hated the kids I was around, I talked to very few people. They thought I was weird anyway. I was too sad to care. I was a loner, worse than my childhood years (never really had friends as a youngin)
Sept '03; Eighth grade. I walk into school with bondage pants, fishnet shirt, short dark hair, the works. I went "goth." Though I never considered myself so, and many people called me a poseur. But I wanted to dress how I wanted, and I liked the style of chains on my pants and chokers around my neck. I didn't care what people thought of me, and I was going to keep it that way. It's real odd how things turned out. Because I ended up being damn popular and a trend setter. People liked my style, liked my personality.
I kept this up for a long time. But now lately, I've been opening my eyes even more. The clothes I wear and the music I listen to doesn't define who I am. You can have a thousand tattoos and a million piercings, a 3 foot mowhawk and wear the same jeans everyday, but a physcial appearence is nothing more than that. It's how a person acts that matters the most.
My personality has changed slightly. I think for the better. I used to be very over-bearing and willing to believe whatever a person told me. I'm not a gullable now. Sure, I'd still take a bullet for the people I care for, but I'm more cautious about who I trust. Everyone here is a liar, and to make sure you don't get hurt you need to know who you can talk to.
None the less, I've been looking at how I dress. I've toned down my "goth" look drastically for a few reasons. 1. It's damn expensive to look good. 2. ..It's ******** expensive. and 3. It's too much money D: If I knew how to sew, I'd make my own clothing. But I don't remember anything from Home ec. Back on topic, I've been dressing "emo" if anything. Which is funny, because I don't listen to that crap. For a while I was headed towards emo, but I realized the "music" sucked. And I can't be that whiny. Or gender indescript.
I want some emo kid to strike up a conversation with me because he thinks I'm emo based on my clothes, then when he starts talking about "music" he likes, I go "Hah, I don't listen to crappy emo 'music'."
In conclusion, I've found myself now. I was a loner, then I was a "goth", now I'm me. If I had the cash to waste, maybe I would look more "gothic", but why? Clothes are clothes. Music is music.(emo is not music to me XD) People are people. But a person's personality, it's one of a kind.
"Schiz is the shiz"
-Schizoid
 Refined Corruption · Wed Aug 31, 2005 @ 03:38am · 1 Comments |
