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I really did something bad...
i hurt a friends feelings because of my own...
and i really need him to know that i'm sorry, but he woun't listen. or exsept it....
and i really need him to know how i feel. because i sat here crying for 2 hours because of what i did...
Ryan if your reading this...
i'm so sorry...
Hi Ed-kun...um. i just need you to know this. All of you need to know this.


I really am sorry about what i said, and i deserve to hear everything you all have to say. I knew that what i said to ryan was not ment for him. it was ment for me. I never really comsidered life to be anything more than perfect. But i relize that i was living in a Harvet Moon world that i brainwashed myself into. I thought that the world was soposed to be a fantisy, were everything went perfectly, but i know that, the world can never be that way. i didn't want to face the truth, because i was afraid of geting hurt again, but here i was doing nothing but hurting others. I never ment to say anything mean to anyone, but all i was doing was taking my pain and angst and throwing at the rest of you. And im very sorry. I am trying to change who i am, from someone who is hurting others, into someone people can be proud of. I never realy knew what the word "happiness" ment because all my life i was teased and hated. By thinking that if people are mean to me, them i should be mean back, i destroyed alot of friendships. And i try to act happy, but i just put a lid on the feelings i'm afraind of, and thats why i spazz out so much. I need to turn my anger and haterid into happyness some how, so i don't cause anymore hard feelings. All i'm saying is i'm sorry for everything i said, and i will change for the better. So i don't cause anymore pain for others.