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Ok. So I'm really angsty.
S'not my fault okays?
We'll blame it on being a teenage female during that time of the month.
(( Readers: Eww, WTF? We *so* didn't need to know that! gonk ))
I've been a total a** lately for ignoring the obvious conflict thats been going on around me but thats just how I deal.
How I always have dealed. ( I know that's wrong >> )
How the hell do you think someone as [******** up as me could be so happy? XD
The love dellima
(( Readers: Hoboy... -skips- ))
You all know I have no life right? Right.
Well, I'm also a softy. (( No one noticed rolleyes ))
So I don't care if you're all "'loving' people over the internet is stupid and pathetic!" I care about people, okay?
Hokay.
Do you know hard it is to convince someone you love them? Like...just with words? It's frustrating! So I rather like my artyness. Because love can be expressed through art. I'm not sure if I can do that yet but I will learn! D: -determined-
Now, I really forgot where I was going with this because angst has melted into pathetic frustration. And I'm tired.
Special note to Meesho
Don't worry. I still love you. I would give my life to save yours if you were dying. No need to worry there. Hear me? DON'T WORRY!
(( Readers: We're reading, retard. We can't hear you. - -; ))
*Ahem* I have trouble getting too close to people who flaunt the fact that they are extreamly enfatuated with me.
It gives me the feeling of *tons* of responsibility. (( I'm a lazy b*****d so it doesn't mix right ))
Like if I suddenly left and got a life you would *die*
I have no idea how to handle that.
Then you talk about me being everything! Perfection!
Well I'm not.
How do I take that ? I'm less than *not worthy*!
It puts pressure on me.
Makes me feel I have to be perfect and all of this , no matter how much I love you, will push me away.
Because I'm a ******** who ignores bad things.
I'm *NOT* saying you've done anything wrong.
I'm saying I have issues and when people mean a lot to me I push them away. (( And find something to blame it on surprised ))
Mainly so I don't hurt them .
Stupid logic, I know.
Because pushing them away *is* hurting them.
I like to think of more as 'tucking them in my pockets' though .
All those people close to me that I cling onto by letting go.
Am I making sense?
I don't care, I'm tired.
My point was -- or at least I think my point was -- that I love you to death but I do not want an intimate relationship.
I hope that doesn't hurt too much.
I'm too young for that. Too mentally dysfunctional.
(( Readers: Too scatter brained! ;D ))
Uh...I forgot what I was going to write after that. xD
I'm so lame.
Anywho, I'll write another entry tommarow.
Whoever notes how many times I blamed something gets a cookie! =D
 Ookibuns · Mon Aug 22, 2005 @ 10:21am · 2 Comments |
