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Mama....where are you? I'm still here at the carnival waitting.....you said you'd come back.

Alice didn't know what to do. her mother had abandoned her at the carnival. That much she knew; she also new they would leave town eventually leaving her with out her shelter at th merry-go-round wher she last saw her mother.

even though it was sevral days ago she could still remember it vivedly.....

"Mama! can we go to the merry-go-round yet," Alice had asked as she watched the other little children play with envy. "No not yet..." Her mother trailed off. Alice had never seen her mother like this.Not even on the night they had to spend in that ally where the drunk man attacked mama, or all the times when daddy was gone thn never came back. Mama was scared, those three words echoed like a mad man in her head.

They went to sevral places before the merry-go-round. they went to the roller coster, then the ones that you have to turn around to move in, and they also went to the ring game where you have to get them in the bottle.

After that was the merry-go-round.

"Mama," Alice said, " why do you look so sad? Did you hurt yourself again?" She was scared because Mama started to look for things to hurt herself.

Mama closed her eyes trying to find the words to tell her what was happening. She loved her child dearly, but she couldn't continue and if her daughter was there she would try and stop her; she wouldn't let that happen, and then someone would find her and take her in love her as she had....She could only hope.

Alice saw her mother smile then though she looked sad. "I'm fine Alice come on lets go to the merry-go-round now like you wanted."

As they got there mama gave the man the money and told Alice, " I'll be right back I'm just going to get some popcorn for myself; here is some money if you get hungry."

Mama why are you crying? Your still smileing but your soul seems dead...Dead to the world....Dead to yourself...Even dead to me.

Mama left then walking slowly with her back hunched over. She seemed defeated Alice had thought.

My baby, my child, Alice's mother thought, you were the only thing that has kept me saine for so long, but now not even you can keep me here.

Her mother walked not tward the popcorn maker's booth, but tward the travling trucks the carnies put all their things in when they were ready to leave. It was dark and rural just what she needed. She took a gun out of her purse held it to her head and said, "I love you, and I hate you. You've kept me here where I didn't belong and let me hold you when the days were long."

Then she took the gun, placed the silenter on, and very slowly pulled the trigger.

After sevral days they found the mother's body covered with ants and maggots and dried blood where she'd shot herself.

One of the carnies, who had been the one who worked at the merry-go-round, said, " Oh no I had seen her with a child I still see her and she still comes here but I nevr had a second thought!"

So the police waited for the girl to come. Then, at the exact time her mother left her she went back to the merry-go-round smelly, and half mad with the need of water.

They picked her up and took her to the police station trying to tell her what had happened to the woman she called mother when Alice said, " She killed herself didn't she."

It was plain that something was going on before the person died, but they didn't want to force it out of the poor orphan.

Two days later they found the little girl dead with a note that said: I got to find my mama.