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Iunno. I just keep looking around me, and every time I look around, all I see are two people making gogly eyes to eachother and flirting and all that crap. Not that I hate it or any of those people. I guesse it's just that I don't even know what it's like to be in that state, and I'd do so much to just find out. I don't even know what it's like to be fully accepted for just having some condition.

That's the only thing I hate about thinking differently than nearly everyone else I know. Sure, my life has gotten so much better over the years, but there's butterflies in my stomach all the time, and I don't even know why. I'm not even sure If I'll ever find out why, but Iv'e gotta know. Not only that, but actually want to know what it's like to be in love rather than just have a crush on someone, and I want to actually know what it's like to have those feelings returned. There's so much going through my mind, but I don't know how to call it out.

It's frustrating, and it breaks my heart even more than it's already been for however long I can possibly remember. Yes, this may be another one of my cravings for knowlege, but it's for so many reasons, and it's unavoidable that I need to find this out both on my own and with the help of only those I deeply trust. What would this mean anyway? Am I really that desperate to fall in love, am I scared of the future, or is just that I have so many issues I need to settle? It's the only thing that seems to keep my life off track. And yet Iv'e been able to describe these feelings, It just keeps getting harder and harder to describe it.

So what does this come to? This emptiness that I just seem to notice right off the begining. I suppose It's something on my to do list now before I keel over. At least... I hope that's the case.