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I saw my therapist today. We only have 6 more sessions together. She interns for a year then has to move on. It's kind of sad. I'm glad for her, but melancholy for me. It is so hard to connect to an individual who will be hearing your most personal thoughts and actions. That is, it is hard if you want to dig deep and get to the root of your (my) unhappiness. To find out why I do the things I do...like self-destruct at the onset of any success. As it is, I am waiting for my creative flow to jam again. I self-destruct when I am trying to lose weight. It has happened all through my life.
So here's this great listener. A woman with insight into my psyche and I have to let her go. She assures me that they will replace her, but will there be a connection with the next intern? I don't know. I do know that I have the right to take them off my case if it is uncomfortable. Would they then provide a different therapist for me? I just don't want to run aground. The other thing is that with someone new, will I have to rehash all that history or will my current therapist share notes? I just want to get better.
I want to leave my home without anxiety. I want to wake up happy, not depressed. I want to be able to leave home by myself again. To go for walks without a sitter. I want to stop being afraid of mine and everyone else's shadow. To make the "something bad's going to happen" hit the road. I want to truly believe in God again. I want to believe that He loves me. I want to stop playing keep away from God. I want to absolutely hope. ::sigh::
 mavenofmystery · Sat May 10, 2008 @ 01:14am · 0 Comments |
