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An entry worthy of a thouand psychiatric visits... |
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I like writing in journals, I have about eleven. All filled with the things you'd NEVER tell an adult, or another human being, b/c they'll get you the attn. you totally don't want. It's fine spilling my guts to those who don't know me, mainly b/c they don't know me. I have nthg. to fear, no reason 2 care, no image to uphold. Not like the one I have to maintain in this 'world of sanity'. Why is it that there is never a good time for emotions? Never good time to just breakdown and cry, or just SCREAM your heart out like you're in an EMO-band giving you're audience what they want? Why? So many days giving up seems like such a great idea, but of course, there's so many ppl. looking up to you, so how would that look? I mean it's not like they can lead their own lives. Being a follower is grade A choice. I mean really, as 1st born who do I follow? Who do I look up to? Besides myself. And God, if he's really there.
I'm sure lots of you are like, "What's you're problem? Nthgs. wrong w/ u! You don't have to go thru wut I go thru" and "Who are you to say u want 2 die, or give up? Or give in to the negative temptations the devil, or whoever it is now, has to offer?"
Me? I'm no one, really. this is just natural for me. I don't understand why I get this way. And yes I know that my problems aren't as bad as the daily molested boy or the daughter or drunke parents. But what I know is that my problems, for me, are my problems. I'm human, if I want 2 scream, and cry, and cut, and fight, and whatever else, then leave me to it. Don't judge me. I wouldn't judge you. Don't help me. I'm not asking for that. Let me pull myself up from the ash and rubble. Let me push myself down in the dirt and mud. I don't need the help of a stranger, or of someone who calls themselves 'kin'.
I mean, I am only human. So when I am asked, "Ever feel the need to scream?" I proudly say,"Yeah, you?"
 emo_butterfly928 · Wed Apr 23, 2008 @ 03:26am · 2 Comments |
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