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Apprehensive
I've just been feeling really unstable lately and I don't really know what, if anything, I can do about it. I haven't felt like normal since February of last year. It's so weird, I feel just as cry-babyish as I was before, but now I'm crying for no reason or over the stupidest little s**t. Were as before I would scream at Chloe and always just pick at her for the s**t she did, now I ask my mom to address (because I know she'll never listen to me) or just hold it in and rant continuously in my head until I feel better. I seem to do that ranting thing a whole lot more than I used to. Unfortunately it's all inside my head. Often times the only thing that can bring me back from the really crazy rants is exhaustion, Myckel, or Eden. Everything else will either just slip by or add to the frustration that fuels the rants. I don't even feel like I can post these rant's online anymore because for example it's about Chloe: I can't do it on myspace because either one of our mutual friends like Sam will tell her what I said( never in a million years would Chloe read my blogs just because) or my mom will end up yelling at me for badmouthing her on the internet. I have no place to talk because everyone I know IRL that is on the net as well would just end up getting me in trouble or scolding me for having thoughts or feelings that I need to let out in a healthy manner.
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