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I'm in pain, luff. The pain..........I don't see.........why it's a problem, why it should cause pain, but it does. he told me to eat, but everytime I eat, I want to throw up. He told me to sleep, I can't. He told me not to hurt myself, but my arms burns to be torn. He acts like he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore........doesn't ahve any desire to see me again. L says he loves me, but won't show it. I wish....................

I'm staring out my window, into the night. The sun came earlier, burned my eyes, inflicted physical pain, or more.

I'm tired. No sleep, then a big day. And I talked to him.

I've so many things running aobut in my head, it's hard to keep them all straight.

I sigh.

I breathe.

I don't know if I can wait a month. The only thing is, he's not reading this. He says he doesn't read other's journals, so maybe that's a good thing. Or is it bad?

I just don't know anymore.

But I try to sleep. I spent hours trying last night.

I ate food today.

I resisted inflicting wounds......why? For him. He who doesn't care.

I leave now, in peace.