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I dont know what to do.
I'm at the point once again where I dont want to live.
I dont want to feel this.
This heart breaking pain.
It's not something I want to live with again.
But this time...
This time I dont have Kimi to comfort me...
It makes me sick...
I want to plug a knife in my throat and end it...
I wish i would have long ago...
Before I got friends...
Before I lost them...
Before I fell in love...
Before I broke it to pieces,
That I desperetly try to fix,
the shards cutting into my skin,
making it bleed the blood I deserve.
...
I wish I would have ended it...
before I turned nineteen...
my worst favorite number...
but that's not why...
...
March eighteenth two thousand eight...
the day I fully realized...
That I truly dont deserve to live.
I hurt everyone that get to know me...
I already hurt the one I care for most...
And I'm afraid...
I cant fix this...
Not now...
not ever...
I can try...
But I dont think I'd succeed...
I dont like being the way i am...
I'm a horrid person...
a mask might work for now...
I can pretend I'm happy...
but it wont work for long...
it never has...
it never will...
and that is that.