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I can do anything with no permission. |
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I have it all under my command.
Because I can guide a missile by satellite.
The internet is full of dark and mysterious corners. Places that, were it the 1600's, there would be large warning signs proclaiming "Here there be dragons". Of course, our brain-dead elder cousins, maddened by galloping brain-rot and a life expectancy of thirty also thought the world was flat, and that powdered wigs were a good idea. What looks of shock and disgust would cross their confused faces if they were to see this magical thing called the internet? I digress. Leaving our brain-damaged forebears alone in the dark past for now, the internet is still a place where dragons and mythic beasties lurk.
One such beastie of grand and terrible proportions is 4chan. For those not in the know, well, just stop reading now. I shall not expose your virgin mind to 4chans cavalcade of grotesqueries. For those in the know, then you should understand what kind of beastie 4chan indeed is. How it foams and slobbers at the mouth. I have said before that 4chan is where common sense and decency go to die on the internet. That's not actually the full extent of my feelings.
To me, 4chan appears like a drunken circus bear. It shambles onstage, and from a distance, there's an urge to pet it. It's lovable, sometimes even cute. It does tricks, pedaling a tiny bicycle of good-natured humor and fun. So you move down a seat, get a better view. What else does this marvelous creature do? The closer you get, the more you smell the vodka the bear drinks in heroic quantities. The more you see the foam on the muzzle. The more you notice the unwashed, smelly aspects of the beast. Yet still, it's amusing and entertaining. It's wearing a little hat. How can you not love it?
Of course, once you climb into the cage, that's when things go horribly awry. The amusing bear, sensing warm flesh, gets off the tricycle. It wanders over and calmly, serenely, and with no trace of coherent thought, rips your face off. And begins to play with it in the dirt. Because that's what bears do. Anyone who is surprised by this isn't paying attention, and deserves to be eaten by a bear.
Now, does this mean that this bear isn't amusing, or entertaining? Should he be avoided at all costs? No, not at all. There's plenty of amusement to be had from a safe distance. The bear hands out good wallpapers, even. I even like watching all you hopeless wankers poking the bear with a stick, and looking surprised when he has your dangly bits in his teeth. I'm just saying one shouldn't, perhaps, interact with the bear. Ie; poke it with a stick. Nor should they let the bears gluttonous tendencies become a contagion, and be spread elsewhere. Bears are unclean animals, and infectious.
Leaving all semblance of metaphor behind.. Let 4chan be what it is. A dangerous beast on the internet. Exciting and fun to watch, and something that you should only participate in if you really don't value your sanity. Let 4chan be what it is, where it is. Don't make everywhere else 4chan. Go to the circus to see the bear, don't breed bears in your living room. They're a horrible strain on the carpet.
Now, onto completely unrelated matters.
Cars. Because I can't resist talking about them for more than 15 seconds, or my head explodes.
There's several new cars either on the horizon, or brand-new that I want to talk about.
The first is the Bullitt edition Mustang.
The Bullitt Mustang has gone through several iterations, but it's always been viewed as a bit of a collectors item. This new one doesn't do a lot of techno-fiddle-wizardry under the hood. It's got sharper handling, and a few appearance tweaks around the bits and bobs. On the whole, it's not a bad little package. However, from what i can tell, you just select the option on the ford site and you've got your Bullitt Mustang. So, where's the collective nature? Where's the exclusivity? It's still a bit of great kit, but something in this new formula seems to be lacking.
Second - The new Lancer X.
I'm not sure I like it. The new bodystyle definitely isn't awful. It's rounded and high-tech and sleek. It's doesn't have that same geek-chic "hey lookit this 4 door family sedan that can kick your a** without really trying." subtlety. The Evo editions aren't out yet, and aren't configurable on the site, but if they can maintain the same tech-frenzied speed and handling of the old ones, they'll be something to look out for.
Third - The new Challenger.
I'd heard rumors that it was being scrapped for a 4 door. The very thought of which made my insides boil and seethe. Having them neuter the Challenger like they ravaged the Charger would just be *wrong*. Luckily, my fears were assuaged, and it's still going to retain that 2-door style. Now, if only they would make it just a bit different from the Charger, and the 300c. They're all still, basically, the same car. Are we all just waiting for the new Camaro to give us a good and proper dose of nostalgia?
All these new cars.. Starting to make me feel poor.
And I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
And I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
(Things to remember -
Too Human
Prototype
Darksiders
Demons of Mercy
 Twistex · Wed Feb 27, 2008 @ 05:46pm · 0 Comments |
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