Kevin made an entry about how deeply he loves me, and I should only do the same. Never had I thought he put me so highly above most things in his life (I just thought "Oh, I'm that little resting spot for him for if he get stressed or what not" wink , and so..... I'm kind of taken aback...?
I've been feeling really down about how I couldn't be there for Kevin and such. He's going through alot at the moment, and I, the title holder to his position of 'girlfriend', isn't even able to be by his side. (You can see I've thought alot about this.) I really wish I hadn't been a dumb**** and screwed up my grades and had my laptop taken away.
I wish I could stay by him longer.
And now for the real thing.
This love, I've actually never experienced before. It's not the kind of "oh, he's cute and nice, I guess he's okay" kind of thing. MUCH deeper than that. More in-depth than any relationship I've been in before (sorry Crazy, sorry Kuja). It's the kind of thing that even before we are split apart, we begin to miss each other, and that before we go to sleep, we sleep uneasy with the wonders of how well the other is doing (well, that's how it is for me). It's on the level that, even if we grow apart and Kevin starts to hate me with every fiber of his being, I'll still be there for him every step of the way. Although if that happened he'd probably like... punch me... or something.
If there is not a moment where I dream of going home to San Jose and curling up on the sofa with a hot chocolate or playing my PSP, then 100% of the time I'll be thinking of Kevin. (I can't tell my exact thoughts. They're not dirty, they're just... weird. =_=?? ) I long for the day where I can rest my head on the shoulder of the one I love, holding his hand, and know that in the presence of this person, I am, finally, at peace.
Kevin is the kind of person who makes me feel like I can truly be... Me. At school, everyday I just drag on with life quietly, being that "Popular and pretty punk-rocker" and "hardcore video gamer Asian chick." The kind of life you know somebody will run into a wall headfirst because of. But with Kevin, I can relax, knowing I don't have to worry about saying something stupid or about keeping manners with. (I do have manners; I'm talking about the kinds of politeness you use around grown ups and your parent's boss or something.)
Wait for paradise.
When I'm beside Kevin, I know I can't do anything drastic. "Keep up good eating habits", "don't be clumsy and hurt yourself", "stop picking fights". I don't want to worry him.
I want to be beside him for as long as I can... Longer even. (IMPOSSIBLE.)
I love you, Kevin. Forever and a day.
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xXDivineRoseXx
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