The phone rang again, the burning in your chest still hasn't stopped. It atleast matched the steaming hot tear sliding down your cheek. it rings again, with a text message. Your aim forwarded it to your phone. With a slient sniffle you look at the screen. sorry in captial letters. That's not enough. You don't want anything to do with him anymore. As you sit in the dark, the screen is the only real light. It glistens of your tears. You text back.
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Okay, so the last wasn't my first mad/upset entry. Here's another one. It is again about Miss Morgan and Malik. My greatest fear is that they ditch me for each other. They knew it to. So they thought why not make that fear come true? I don't know why. They were just joking but it still hurt like heck. They pretened to tell me they were in love. I knew they were joking. Something in the back of my mind beileved them though. Just enough where it hurt. It wasn't the cut like a knife hurt, it was the burning in your chest, hands shaking, 'bout to cry type hurt.
well I thought for sure i'd gotten over that fear, they were stupid enough to play with it. Right after that chat room where they played there joke, I didn't want to have anything to do with them. I wanted to never talk to Morgan again and break up with Malik on the spot. Just for the fact that everyone was right. Can I really be happy with that little fear eating away at the edge of my head?
I still can't believe it was Malik's idea. I can't believe they defended each other. I knew I was overreacting. They didn't know that I believed them. They didn't know it'd hurt worest then a paper cut. They were just playing around. So it was my fault. I set my self up again! I'm sorry. To morgan. To Malik. And To Nate. I called him late to have someone to talk to. He stayed up all night to make sure I was okay. Which was at three. He helped me figure out what I was gonna say to Malik.
Malik has Morgan. He didn't need me. He never needed me. I needed a way out. But no matter how many times nate told me to break up with him I couldn't do it. Morgan couldn't tell me anything I already knew. I was trapped in my own fears for awhole night. I couldn't wait to get up tommorow! So it'd all be over.
it's tommorow, I still remeber what happened. It's not over. Malik said last night he didn't want to lose me, so why did he pretend to ditch me? No idea. I'm still pretty hurt over the whole thing. Even though I told Morgan and Malik I was cool with it now. I'm not. I swear i'm gonna have nightmeres about it and sniffle everytime it comes up. but I don't know what to do. So I'll live like it never happened.
it was just playing around anyway. Not like they ment to do this to me. I forgive them and i'd forgive them again too. I just hope they forgive me. && everyone says the only way out is to get rid of them. Malik and Morgan. I can't. So right now i'm trapped and i'm gonna make the best of it. I have all my other friends. Friends that don't love your boyfriend.
So in truth: Malik messed up. Morgan Messed up. I think they should just go suck a banna cause I want to be done with both of them!
but I could never do that.
I'm just so sorry.
It's all my fault that they have to go through this.
It's always been my fault.
I have to forgive myself first.
That's the way the cookie crumbles. If you reading this, then you have a long attention span. Thanks.
 000Hinata000 · Sat Feb 23, 2008 @ 06:11pm · 3 Comments |
