Way to go, I've done it again. Everytime I have a boyfriend I manage to screw it up. I'm depressed because I know that the most attractive about a girl to a guy is her confidence. But being confident is very hard for me and it makes me sad. I don't want him to find out that I'm not very confident.. Also I don't want him to find out that I'm depressed because he will worry. And I don't want him to worry about me, and treat me differently because he will worry about making me upset.
The last boyfriend I had was an amazing guy but every month I would mess everything up. And this is excataly how it started. I don't want to say that I hate myself because I don't, that's to extreme. But I just don't think.. Ugh I don't know. I'm extremely negative.
Okay, lets try this again..
I have an amazing boyfriend and I really need to work on my jealously problems. (Going good so far) The bad thing is that I got jealous, then got bitchy over his friend. She likes him but he doesn't like her and I trust him so I wont question that.. But if I trust him so much..
What the hell is wrong with me?
I can't tell him that I don't want him to talk to her.. I have no right at all to tell him who and who not to talk to. What am I supossed to say? Maybe I should go take a shower, have a long cry, eat some icecream then come back and talk to him..
I hate the people who think their life sucks and I know that all this makes me sound like I'm emo.. Or depressed.. But whatever. I'm trying to be happy, and I love him more than anything. I really want to keep him, but acting like this isn't helping.
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apologetic paramedic
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