Well, today sucks like hell.
School was basicly fine...but at the youth center, I just started to feel like crap........I mean, one of the mentors asked me what I see in being gothic. I mean, what the crap?! How does she expect me to answer that?!
Oh, and my friend Toni told me that in high school people will definately make fun of me for being gothic. That's a lovely thought. And my friend Shelby that I hadn't seen in forever was there, but I feel like she doesn't even like me anymore. It just really sucks.
Then they sorta laughed at me after seeing my ring that indicates that I'm going to wait 'til marrige to have sex. Lovely thing to have you friends ridicule you for.
I just felt so damn alone.......
I feel like the world won't let me be myself...I wish I were in college.....people wouldn't know me....they wouldn't have expectation of me......they wouldn't ridicule me for changing in a way to express who I really am.
Last night, I dug out my black skirt, my fishnet stockings, my japanese looking top, and my studded belt and put them on. I felt so at home in them, like I was meant to wear them....but to where them to school........things would just get worse for me. I mean, I can't even wear boots with heels to school without being ridiculed for being too tall.
I hate being an 8th grader.........wishing to be in college........it just hurts......
But I'm scared for this school year to end......because, the only place I can see the guy I like........is at youth group, but it's a middle school youth group and once this year's over..........I'm not in middle school anymore. Just so you know, he's not in middle school, he's graduated and just sorta comes. I have a small chance of seeing him after that point, but I don't have the courage to call him or anything...........I'm just worried we will grow appart............it scares me.
Everything scares me.......
School was basicly fine...but at the youth center, I just started to feel like crap........I mean, one of the mentors asked me what I see in being gothic. I mean, what the crap?! How does she expect me to answer that?!
Oh, and my friend Toni told me that in high school people will definately make fun of me for being gothic. That's a lovely thought. And my friend Shelby that I hadn't seen in forever was there, but I feel like she doesn't even like me anymore. It just really sucks.
Then they sorta laughed at me after seeing my ring that indicates that I'm going to wait 'til marrige to have sex. Lovely thing to have you friends ridicule you for.
I just felt so damn alone.......
I feel like the world won't let me be myself...I wish I were in college.....people wouldn't know me....they wouldn't have expectation of me......they wouldn't ridicule me for changing in a way to express who I really am.
Last night, I dug out my black skirt, my fishnet stockings, my japanese looking top, and my studded belt and put them on. I felt so at home in them, like I was meant to wear them....but to where them to school........things would just get worse for me. I mean, I can't even wear boots with heels to school without being ridiculed for being too tall.
I hate being an 8th grader.........wishing to be in college........it just hurts......
But I'm scared for this school year to end......because, the only place I can see the guy I like........is at youth group, but it's a middle school youth group and once this year's over..........I'm not in middle school anymore. Just so you know, he's not in middle school, he's graduated and just sorta comes. I have a small chance of seeing him after that point, but I don't have the courage to call him or anything...........I'm just worried we will grow appart............it scares me.
Everything scares me.......
