*ahh hhemm* As a completly objective third party with absolutly no gain in this manga series... *deep breath -That was alot to say in one breath sweatdrop * ... It is really really really good! and i've only read the first paragraph! critic time: Everything was clear to me and you used a good choice of words, but you have to choose which qoutes and sentences to include in your final creation. your smart, figure it out. but i was a little confuzled with the last two sentences, when the bus driver hissed 'Maya' in her ear, was he right behind her, or was he still in the bus? then he says 'Eh Maya get ON here' that makes it sound like he's already on the bus, telling her to join him. Welp, keep writting and posting! but im really jealous, you wrote this one paragraph really well! 3nodding