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There's something I want right now. Something great and grand, that I know I will have to wait for. A few more months...just a few more months. To make it simple, my environment is not where I want to be. The screams of children echo outside my door, the stamping of feet break through my thoughts, the shouts of an angry mother rock the house deeper into a chaotic slumber.
The thin walls of this gloomy shelter make for nothing more than protection from the cold outside. The air inside is stale and warm, like a living corpse. I opened a window yesterday, letting the cool air in. It felt good to be able to breath again. The house is falling silent, for the moment, but it won't last long. One, maybe two days. Then back to chaos. Indeed, I come from a place even angels fear to tread. I wouldn't call it a hell, because in all honesty, I've lived through far worse. Yet, even now, my patience is growing thin.
My door is broken from being slammed too violently. My walls bear more than a few holes made by human fist, and everything that falls before my eyes as I write this, is a poor excuse for a home. I'll be honest. I've long lost any mercy and compassion I've felt towards this place or its occupants. I've grown cold to them and now I look at them with an icy indifference. I keep my door shut against the pandemonium of the outside world and I work silently and diligently in my room, planning and plotting my next move. The time is not yet right...but time is on my side in this battle.
Everyday now, I've been dreaming. It's true, that I stopped dreaming for quite a long time in my life. I used to have such vivid visions in my sleep, but that has long since stopped. Now...it's starting again, but in a different form. Daydreams. I'm seeing a golden sun over a deep blue ocean. White sands line a bustling city. Cars of every color pass by, honking their horns, each driver unaware that I envy them, from halfway across the nation.
Yet, as much as I can't wait to get out, there have been good things. People, mostly. There have been some, that I have had the honor of calling friends. There have been those that have changed me for the better. There have been those that have opened my world to new experiences and new ideas. There have been some good times...
But I have made up my mind. I can't stay here. I won't, and though I do appreciate their threats and offers urging me to stay, they are all in vain. I would like to tell them that it will all be alright, that our paths will remain connected forever, but sadly I cannot. I can promise email communications, text messages, and even the occasional phone call, but it will never be the same.
We are seniors and our time is almost up. Half our year has flown by. The future beckons us to a new world and I embrace it. It's a new world, a better world. A place that promises a home. I never lost faith. I always knew I'd be home someday.
 Maurgrim Xanthis · Sat Jan 26, 2008 @ 12:40am · 1 Comments |
