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Every time anybody mentions the honor band thing I get extremely depressed and I feel the urge to kick Dustin repeatedly. It happened today in class. I can't talk to him about it. He doesn't want to talk about it, so I won't. At least not to his face. But I can write whatever I want in here. It was just so hurtful. That he left me behind again while he went to a place I'll probably never get to see. On top of that he took Mitchel and Nicki with him. And he won't even talk to me about it! If I don't talk about it to him and make sure he understands how completely betrayed that made me feel then he'll think that I'm over it and he'll go do it again. I still haven't gotten over the Halloween thing- when he went behind my back and went to miss Lisa's.


And you know what else? I am finished feeling guilty about expressing my thoughts and feelings about these things. I NEED to do this. If I don't, I will explode. Do you understand? I am unable to handle these things. So I'm gonna answer some questions you may have. If I'm upset it's usually one of these reasons:

I do not like that you go EVERYWHERE with your mother.
You two probably have some sort of bond. You're her son after all- and I can respect that. But if you know that I'm terribly upset about something then I'm usually hoping that you'll stay with me on the phone or on the computer. In the future please keep this in mind.

I do not like it when you go on a trip somewhere and then call me while your family and/or friends are partying in the background.
In this case wait till you're alone or until everyone is depressed or quiet before you call me.

I do not like it when you call me while you're shopping in anything other than a grocery store.
Let's face it: I'm poor. I never get to actually go shopping unless it's with you. And I almost never have any money.

I do not like it when you make me tell you what's wrong and then rampage through the house.
I already have a hard time talking to you about my feelings. If you're gonna freak out then just don't ask. When you see me upset about something then sometimes the best thing to do is sit quietly with me. If I want to talk to you about it, I will, okay? If you ask too many questions or lose your composure in front of me while I'm like this it can actually make things worse.
WARNING: These terms do not necessarily apply to when I'm extremely upset. If you find me screaming at bystanders, crying hysterically, or partaking in any other alarming behavior then remain calm and find someone to help (Your mom, Nicki, Amanda, Aleny, Sarah, any female in the area).
I know it's not easy but it's important that you remain calm, even if I lash out at you. When I'm upset I become irrational and act on my feelings instead of my thoughts. When you abandon me in the middle of a situation it only causes even more stress.

I don't like it when you Associate with any female accept Amanda, your mom, and Nicki
It doesn't matter who it is, I just don't like it. You can hang out with as many guys as you want, but it bothers me when you hang out with girls.

I don't like it when you show off to get attention from other people at the wrong time
The wrong time is... well really I'm never ok with this. Because, you see, I'm very insecure about myself. Not many people care to talk to me. But everyone wants to talk to you. When you do this I usually treat it as a personal attack. I can't even fully explain it. Now- I understand that you haven't done this lately. I thank you for that, let's keep it that way.

That's it for now. If I think of something else I'll post it. And Dustin, if I make you mad, then I'm sorry. That's why I need to go to the doctor and find out what's wrong. Please don't hate me. I really want to change this.