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i think i been around things the wrong way, and when i say that i mean, I'm giving things that can;t be i suppose, thing is i think also is i don;t think I'm an awesome person, I'm far from it, i ******** up alto of things, i don;t want god's or jesus love or forgiveness, i don;t want to cry for him, or find meaning like that, it doesn't ever work with me, i want to become something i may not even can reach, i may not be smart enough to do so or survive that goal, i been fed lies alot, thing is things get very blurry when that happens, you don;t know no more, well that's my thought on it, i don;t want to hurt people, i do though, i know that, i do care though i really do for people and my friends and family, i can;t say for sure how long i will be here, on a side note on some people i know your tired of hearing it,. you can ignore it, or just not think about it, as i see In my being, i question sometimes, what the hell I'm doing, what do i think I'm accomplishing, is it all for not, i have no clue i really don't, I'm sorry i made a few people sick, sad and depressed never was my intention though. so, i don't want no one sad because of my being