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It's 1am and I can't sleep.

But then, how many times does this happen to me, and why am i surprised?

I sent him home tonight because I wanted to be alone, but now that I am, the silence in this house if deafening...

See how complex I am? I complain because people don't see me, they look through me, but it turns out I'm more comfortable that way. I guess it's just another way to avoid confrontation.

~~

He had asked me to write, to see if it lowers my stress level...to get it out of my system, as he does. It helps him more than it would help me, but he insisted...so here I am.

I hate writing....

Here's an appetizer...

I HATE Bagel's parents. I do! They are the most selfish ******** on the planet. I can't see how they consider themselves human. He went home tonight and bitched because he was there. He gives them $200 a month and puts up with their s**t and his brother taking s**t from his room repeatedly. So he gets home and they ask him to leave again? Bite my a**! Bite it more than once! Its a ******** holiday, he's your son, he LIVES THERE AND PAYS BILLS! Go ******** yourself!
You're requesting that he leave? Sure, refund all the money that you've taken from him and he might be able to afford to get himself an apartment.
I request parental figures jump up my butt!

Ah...that feels better... Ready for the second course?

No Bagel...nothing is wrong with me. Nothing at this course in time. But if you keep asking me if there is something wrong....there will be a big something.
Let me tell you what my mother told me. I suppose that I inherited her mean face.
My natural look is apparently passing for anger lately. It's not anger, i'm just relaxing, and just because I don't constantly smile, doesnt mean that there is something bad happening in my head.

And please....PLEASE stop trying to psycho-analyze me. You aren't a shrink, and I don't like sharing....

Yup...you were right...this does help...quite a bit..
Now one more rant...

It's not even really a rant. More like a confession.

A confession I shouldn't make here.....

But i will....just masked.

I thought about it much more than I should have. More than you would have wanted me to. It was something new and different. New and different was what i needed. It could be that I'm in a sort of shock, shock that you agreed with the situation in the first place. Shock that you didn't stop it in the process. Shock that a person that I thought I hated, that I had spent so much time ranting about, had turned out to be a closer friend to me than i would have ever expected.

I'm satisfied with it now. I'm not so much like a ticking time bomb anymore...but there are times when i still think about it, too much.

This too shall pass...this too shall pass.....

Congratulations! By reading my latest journal entry, you have bought yourself a headache and a whole new wealth of information that you could have done without knowing.

Sorry ....no consolation prize tonight folks...

Who am i kidding? ...no one reads this crap anyway...