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my birthday blew a**... it really sucked.. i dont think i want a family party anymore.. i think id rather want to be left alone on my b days.... first mum set up a business meeting on my b day and then i got yelled at by the family... i cant do anything right...
see the reason there was a fight was because i was sticking up for my sister... the way i heard it both my grandmothers were talking bad about her... and well i spoke up cause i love my sister and in this family i have i only really trust her with everything.. even though she can be a b***h shes always been here for me... so i spoke up and asked them not to talk bad about my sister on my birthday.. i said i didnt appreciate it at all.. well my aunt got on my a** and yelled at me and then my grandpa did.. he said i needed to shut up and i said ok and then he got right in my face... i went in tashas room and told my mum i wanted everyone gone cause all it was going to do was lead to a fight.. both the grandmothers came back and well one of my grandmothers didnt realize she was screaming at me and wasnt letting me talk.. i was really upset and told the to go but they didnt and closed the door so that i didnt leave but i tried to cause i didnt want a huge fight and she screamed at me some more and then left... i just broke down there and said i wanted to be alone and that i was tired of it all.. i really wanted to kill myself.. but i didnt... my other grandmothers like so you want us to leave and never come back? i didnt say that i know i didnt and i was stunned that she took it that way before i could answer she said fine we leave.... i was so scared cause i thought my uncle was going to come back and kick my a**.. when he did come back he told me to get up.. all the adults came back and only made me feel worse.. they were all yelling at me and i just looked at the ground and was quite cause i knew if i spoke up my uncle would hit me.. they targeted tasha at a small period of time and when i went to get them to stop my uncle jumped my a** and told me not to.. grandma was just like oh let her be disrespectful to everyone.. i said i wasnt trying to and they all said i was lying... they said this lecture was supose to make us feel wanted.. and i acted as if it helped but it didnt.. i just wanted to die.. but as usaull i put a smile on and fought back the tears so that everyone else didnt know i was still upset... i broke down last night butt didnt add any new scars... im s**t.. im just s**t and i dont want to live but i have to cause there are people i want to protect people i want to make happy... i know people have it worse.. im sorry you guys di and i wish i could help...

gawd why cant things just work out.. why do i have to feel like s**t everyday... why dont i feel like im worth something.. all i know is i dont like being here...