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Haruki's journal
fun times...
The third instalment, only one more...
Okay, this is the third instalment on a short story I have been working on, if you haven't been keeping up, read the last three entries to fully understand the story.

As always, if you have any questions or comments, please let me know... and like I said last time I actually wrote, I will be switching points of view with every new instalment, so please tell me what you think of it...


The third subchapter

The fear that filled the room was nearly palpable. As the man finished his sandwich, the woman desperatly tried to find the man she once loved.
"Do... do you... remember our first date?" she asked reluctantly.
"Yeah," he replied, "we went to the fair... you didn't even want to go."
"True, but you sweet talked me into it." She added.
"Yes, but you hated every minute of it... except the last half hour," he continued."I pulled you aside and told you to forget everything, just for once, and live in the moment."
"Yes, after the divorce, that was the kindest, most down-to-earth thing anyone said to me." She explained "Before that moment, I had a protective barrier formed of hatred surrounding me, but I dropped it for one person, you," she continued. "Ironic isn't it? the one person I let into my heart was the one person that I should have worried about the most."
"That hurts, you know I still love you..." he said.
"If you are in love with me, then why are oy going to kill me?!" she demanded.
"I love you, I'm just not 'in love with you,'" he explained.
"Well, murdering me is not a great way to show you love me," she said with sarcasm in her tone.
"Damnit, I do still love you!" he demanded. "That is one reason that I will almost regret doing this. It's nothing personal, it's just 'what I do.'"
The room fell silent with that last statement. The man's anger remained stagnant in the room.
"So, are you ready to end it?" the man said in a calm, unfeeling tone.


haruki_jitsunin
Community Member
  • [11/04/09 07:57pm]
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  • [04/30/09 11:29am]
  • [03/30/09 07:48am]
  • [02/24/09 12:49pm]
  • [12/23/08 11:18pm]
  • [11/17/08 10:12am]
  • [09/10/08 09:55am]
  • [08/16/08 10:01am]
  • [06/20/08 10:43am]


  • User Comments: [2]
    Wow... Stephen, I really like the plot of this story. There are just a couple things I would change about it. You kinda change from 3rd to 1st person between subchapters and there are some sentances and ideas that you repeat a bit too much. Other than that, it's really turning out nicely!

    comment Luna2986 · Community Member · Mon Jul 04, 2005 @ 09:57pm
    Yeah, I thought I would try to change the points of view because I think it adds more to the story...

    I also felt that I did repeat things alot... but It was late at night... after I finish it, I'm going to edit them and make them one long entry. Plus, I think the next subchapter willl make up for the long, lost unrepetativeness.


    comment haruki_jitsunin · Community Member · Tue Jul 05, 2005 @ 06:35am
    User Comments: [2]

     
     
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