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Because the world won't change while you sleep.
We'll start with the rant, in good twistex fashion. It's what I may be good at, other than building functional computers, sex, and generally offending people.
So, IBM. ********. Complete and total people who would ******** your mother if they thought a profit was in it. I'm their little corporate whore. So, what do you do with whores? Well, you ******** them, to be blunt. You ******** them hard and harsh, wipe your d**k on their knee and leave a 5 on the table. So, i've got this little trip planned. Maybe you rememebr reading about that little thing called AX for the past 6 months? Yeah, you can see how much I have invested in this trip. A metric ******** of hope, work, passion, and daydreaming has gone into these past few months in anticipation of it. It's pretty goddamn important. So important, I filed my timeoff request in march. Standard time to file in advance is 2 weeks. So, I filed 3 ******** MONTHS in advance, just to make sure.
So, what does the ******** of corporate whores do? Well, they change my schedule. I can deal with that. That's just like a john wanting a handjob. Nothing big. Hell, they bribed me with a raise to do it. It's like a john paying 500$ for a handjob, when you charge 100$ for a good, solid ********. Incentive may be the devils tool. So, they change this schedule, then they cancel my time off. They cancel it because my schedule changed, so it no longer applies to the same days. Still with me? good. Except, they cancel it at the beginning of june. Almost 3 months EXACTLY from when i filed. Which, with due note, I was told was "good to go", and it would be approved 2 weeks before my trip. Well, Ms. manager saw different, and cancels it. So, being the good little whore, I shrug and refile.
They canceled that request on Monday. 3 ******** days before I leave. with maybe 8 hours of time to find somone to swap a weekend shift. Not only a weekend shift, but a ******** HOLIDAY weekend shift. Basically, telling me to go find a ******** needle in a haystack in 8 hours. So, naturally, I repress the urge to just set the building on fire and shoot the survivors to death with a .50 caliber handgun. In the sexual organs. I then talk to Ms. Manager. She tells me that the previous one, she never saw. She ******** CANCELED IT. Her name is on the goddamn decline notice. I inform her of this, and she states that she saw it when it was too late. Then, she says that if I had filed under my new schedule earlier, I would have been fine. See the irony. She changed my schedule. She cancelled my active request because of the schedule SHE CHANGED. Essentially, she was the big boss bending me over that day, and then lying to me about it. All while gleefully cleaning off her strapon with my hair.
So, with a mad rush of anger, I set forth to find a cover/swap for my shift. No one wants to do it. Now, I'm sitting on 2 possible options. Follow work schedule, miss the trip, and daydream of how much fun I could be having, or how I would spend the 330$ for my airplane tickets, and the 50$ for convention registration. Not to mention all the planning, hoping, and generally looking forward to something for the first time in ******** YEARS. Option number two consisted of just saying "******** them" and going anyways. I was told I would be fired if I did this. Fired quick. I would be left with an expression much like the deer that gets hit by a Mack truck from around a sharp corner. "********.. oh, i'm dead now. Whoops." Wonderful options, no?
So, on my short shift on tuesday, a 4 hour piss of my time, I throw myself on the mercy of my peers. That doesn't work. So, I resort to that ancient fallback of rulers and successful mafia lords. Bribing. I offer up 50$ a shift and a swap. Finally, with a little over an hour to go, I get a positive acceptance. So, I'm still going to the trip, and I'm keeping my job. I'm just out 3 more days of work, and 100$.
See the dedication I have to meeting you ********?
Now, onto the gushing. Feel free to stop reading now. No, really. Go ahead. i can wait. Don't let the door hit your a** on the way out. Actually, scratch that. Take that doorknob straight up the a**. Go.. shoo. Away with you.
Anyways..
It's like ******** christmas all over again. Remember that gleeful excitement you had? So tense and filled with anticipation that you couldn't sleep? Almost pissing you damn pants in happyness, longing. Then, rushing downstairs at some godawful, brutal hour of the dawn and gazing with unbridled lust upon those shiny, delicous packages. The joy would burst forth out of you in a gleeful scream to your parents, in child terms telling them to wake the ******** up and let you open gifts. I mean, when you're 5-13, santa is better than jesus who brings more peanut butter. He's that good.
Yeah, I feel nothing like that.
I'm just happy I'm going. If the convention turns out to suck ginormic donkey testicles, if the moderators turn out to be a bunch of rampant fools who hate me with a passion rivaling the fires of hell, if Locke threatens to beat me up one more goddamn time, well.. s**t. It's california. There's sand, sun, girls in bikini's. I'll get along. Not to forget that a good friend of mine is coming along, and we'll stay up late, wreck the beach for everyone, get drunk, have fun. I will oggle her boobies. Life will, on the whole, generally cease to suck. 5 days of this. It's a much needed vacation. Need in such a way that I cannot illustrate my point without a donkey, 5 cats, 4 cherry bombs, two hookers infected with ghonoherpechepellaids, and a mitsubishi eclipse. Oh, and 6 pounds of black tar heroin. Coincidentally, that looks starngely like my packing list for the trip. Funny thing, eh?
As a sidenote, I love this emoticon, and I need more reason to use it. pirate
ninja Vs pirate
I can't believe this trip almost cost me my job.
-Twistex
 Twistex · Wed Jun 29, 2005 @ 07:57am · 6 Comments |
