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Ok, just to tell you I'm not putting this up just to get pity from anyone.
I've been really tired lately. Last month my parents took me to the doctor, because they had been noticing that I had been really tired, depressed, and not acting like myself. Well, the doctor couldn't diagnose me with clinical depression, because I would have to feel this way for 6 months. So, they just put me on birth control to keep in track of my hormones and moods during my period and such. But I haven't been keeping up with the promises that I made to my doctor.
He asked me if I ever felt like hurting myself to which I replied, "No, not exactly. It's more of I wish that I was't here anymore. Sometimes I wish I could just stay in my room instead of going out into the world and dealing with everything. Even when I do feel like hurting myself I would never do it, because I hate pain and I hate suicide."
The promise was to tell someone when I felt like hurting myself, which I haven't been doing. I've been having breakdowns alot since the ending of November to this month. The only thing that I have actually done is pull on some hair, but not pulling anything out. You never would have guessed it, but I had one wednesday morning before school. I've gotten really good at calming myself down when I need too. My parents only see maybe 1/4 of them.
I've been trying to keep this to myself, because for some reason I feel like I need to be the happy one so others will be happy too. Since I like listening to others probems, I can't have any of my own.Even though I don't see you guys that much other than at school I still want you guys to happy. I don't even know what the problem is. You would think that all this would be happening last year since the whole friends fighting stuff, but it's happening this year.
So how was that of an enrty, Ash? You were getting mad at me for not posting.
 Red Envelope · Thu Dec 06, 2007 @ 08:25pm · 1 Comments |
