Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

PS: This aint my work

The Full Thread

It's a wall of text, but it you want to keep your lives for next time it happens, then please read on.

I wrote this regarding this article in the paper, which gave irrelevant information. I wanted to show the truth. I did research this weekend, and here’s what I have found.

This is a thread from Pekka-Eric Auvinen’s (Sturmgeist89) YouTube Profile.

“I know that none of you know how my life really is and I’m not prepared to tell you. My secrets are kept to myself for now. I will however, explain the little bit that I can. I can feel my body rotting ever so slowly and painfully. I know I am dying and that I cannot stop it. I wish I could have been born as someone else. I hate the way I am, the way I was born to be. I know it was my destiny to be that way but I resent it. In short, I hate myself. Everyday when I go to school I see people. Most are normal. I see them with their girlfriends and boyfriends, acting like giddy fools. They know nothing and they are happy. Eric Harris once said; “Ignorance is Bliss, I guess that would explain my depression.” He was right about that. I know so much while they know so little. I suffer for that. Should I choose happiness or knowledge? I still don’t know that answer to that question. Many things have slipped away from me because of who I am. I wanted to change that so much. I knew that I would not be able to and it angers me. The combination of my own violent beliefs mixed with my past is a very deadly mix. I’m still waiting for someone to save me when I know very well that no one will come. Only time will tell. Will I choose to kill? Maybe. If I do, it’s only your fault. You created me. You made me do this. Maybe I will find peace and life my own life. That is why I am still here. Maybe I do have hope. Maybe I don’t. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I’m a psycho. I am a psycho. I’m not normal and I know that. I do go crazy. Sometimes I really can’t handle it. It’s painful to live. It is also painful to die. Will I die soon? Will you die soon? Maybe. We are all just corpses. We are waiting to die. We all just want to live our lives to the fullest. Do what we want. It’s so hard to do that when you are like me, though. My life is still undecided. Anything can tip me off. I’m a ‘House of Cards’ just waiting to topple over. Who will topple me over? Who will change history? I know I will have to work for my “Peace”, but will I succeed? If I don’t, you’re all doomed. I will kill all I must to be satisfied. I will not hesitate. I will be famous and at the same time I will be doomed. I would have to die. I was only sent on this Earth to do my business, but will I enjoy my job? I hope so, you do too. SI VIS PACEN PARA BELLUM. (Latin: If you seek peace, prepare for war)”








This is what the newspaper hid from everyone, his reasons. All that the newspaper cared about telling us is that these supposedly ‘innocent’ people were shot, he then commit suicide, and that he fantasized about massacres, but no. He had a reason. Then, the editors decided to put a ‘Finns may seek stricter gun laws’ article. Complete idiocy, they want to sound like they are actually doing something. They wrote and read over the article, yet they have no clue why. We learn that newspaper article have the 5 W’s. Who, what, where, when, and WHY. If they had bothered to look over Pekka-Eric Auvinen’s writing, they’d know why. Maybe they don’t care. I care, because every suicide note, ever shooting, every massacre - I research it. Every one has a meaning. Remember that documentary, ‘Bowling for Columbine’? I was expecting to see a documentary on the complete idiocy and behavior is Highschool - instead I got BS information on gun laws. They bother to say, ‘It’s incredible that something like this has happened in Finland.’ Not really, no. It can happen anywhere. It should happen everywhere. Actually, there is an advantage for it happening in Finland. It open’s their eyes. To see what is actually happening, instead of ignoring the obvious. I am writing this in hopes that maybe someone will pass it on, this is a fact received from every suicide-massacre note I could get my hands on and read. It’s for peace. To make the pain stop, every day idiocy around people and lifestyle, everyone’s so ignorant wound up in other people’s problems, it’s all gossip about people they don’t even know and probably won’t ever know. Well, every school shooting I’ve read about was all in vain. Everyone was shocked, yes. They say that the shooter was psycho, that maybe no one liked them or people thought they were gay like in the Virginia Tech incident. So far, it’s been a fight for peace. If someone attacks you every day, if everyone fights against you, if everyone hates you, yet no one knows you. No one sees you, they don’t know anything. You have to fight for your name back. Then, when the trigger pulls and penetrates through your skull slowly inching towards your demise, your eyes dilate and you think that maybe, maybe - your sacrifice of your life and theirs, just maybe will bring a message to everyone else. Maybe they will change; maybe it will make that one change that someone else; another person like you will have a better life. For that the people that harassed them daily, who physically and emotionally scarred them, will be too scared to curl a fist to them at the chance of being lined up and shot.

We’re all in vain; every person to stand up and try to stop it has died in vain. No one sees the big picture; or, people do - and just don’t care. If you’re reading this and think to yourself ‘Yes, I do understand,’ what will you do? What can you do? Maybe many people will tell me yes, they understand, maybe a school figure will say ‘Yes, I understand, and I am working on it’. Then whoever’s working on it isn’t doing a very good job. You can’t say that you understand if you don’t do anything about it, and that’s why I write this. Maybe, maybe someone will listen. I can copy more. As many as may help. If you read this and do not try to do anything, you obviously don’t understand and are as good as them. I used to go to a middle school in my old town, We sat in the back of the library, supposedly we thought that people didn't go there. People don't go there normally, unless to follow us. They were angry. No, not the stalkers. My new friends. Instead of our usual talks of novels, poems, videogames, and tabletops... death. We plotted their demises. And we loved it. Though.. one by one I heard they left. Either seriously hurting someone... or even themselves - badly.

That’s what it did to us. Rejection, physical harm, emotional bruising, and do you know what the principle told the boy who came back with a bloody nose? “You can handle it yourself.” Basically, an option for handling it ourselves is to c**k up a gun and fire. Is that what they meant? You can’t reason with those moronic kids. They don’t care. Who listens to someone they hate?

Well, they really didn’t know any of us. For if they did, they would be doing that. They’d be scared, they’d never screw with us again. I tried to stick around ‘til the end, I couldn’t stand not fighting with them. It did something to me, the day I saw my friend being dragged off the floor after bursting into tears. He was screaming, he wouldn’t get up. He was having a mental breakdown, it was too much. No one saw him for a few days, when he came back he didn’t talk much. He moved away the next month. We were one member short now, and it wasn’t easy. They caught another boy alone, stalked him out of school and started to screw with his stuff - his bike, his bag, anything they could get their hands on. He’s had worst, so that didn’t bother him. They’ve physically harmed him before, it’s not like it was new. Then they said something. Two seconds later, he got one of them around the neck. Everything was slow motion, the screaming, the panic, like he was hanging on for over five minutes. It was only one, but they didn’t let him off easy. They took him away, authorities came. He couldn’t keep in contact with us, eventually drifted off; has to stay at home. After all those years that those kids hurt my friend and got away with it, he let out full un-planned wrath. They’ve done worst to him, but we were called the ‘unstable kids’ so they never let anything we did go. Not that we ever did anything before.

We didn't become violent by trying to forget our oppressive, hurtful existence by staring at moving pictures for hours at a time--pictures that don't judge us, call us a freaks, and allows us to, for once, feel good and proud of our accomplishments whereas we're failing class because we can't concentrate in a violent, oppressive environment where security guards search us without probable cause and then take away our personal property (again without probable cause) because it was seen in our transparent backpack (which we is forced to wear because it's The Rules) and because we set off metal detectors (which are there, along with security guards, because the school's administration bought the ignorant ramblings of politicians trying to cull votes by calling out imaginary crises, thus diverting attention from real issues)--but it was negligence, continual abuse (both physically and emotionally), and the overwhelming sense of helplessness and growing anger as hypocritical parents, teachers, cops, and other authority figures--who order us to have character and integrity by sitting down and shutting up--look the other way when the snot is being kicked out of us by football players who are idolized and worshipped by their male and female peers.





Here’s the rules of life for people like us: Never question; always obey. I think. Therefore I am an outcast. In an institution of learning, your ability to throw a rubber ball matters most. Your constitutional rights end when you walk through the schoolhouse doors: you may be searched without probable cause, you are not allowed to express yourself, you aren't allowed to disagree or back-talk because that would mean "disrespect", public humiliation is not cruel nor unusual, dissent is unpatriotic, and you are guilty until proven innocent. When in doubt, punish everyone. Forget what Barney the Dinosaur told you; you are just another brick in the wall. Technology is the spawn of Satan. Even in a so-called "free society", we are expected to surrender all identity and rights as human beings. Stay in school and study hard and one day you'll have to work two full-time jobs just to feed your family, while those coke-sniffing slackers get million-dollar contracts with the NFL. People who smoke or drink are subhuman wretches who deserve our pity, but not our help. Television and video games are the root of all violence and bad behavior. It's the girl's fault if she's harassed. Marilyn Monroe is historically more important than Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King, Jr.. School is the place to teach about Jesus and Allah, and suggesting evolution is blasphemy. You may have your diploma without walking away with any real knowledge. For instance, it's acceptable to have your diploma without knowing advanced algebra, or how to spell "rhinoceros". Sex is evil. Romance is bad. You are disposable. The words of one person doesn't matter. Only listen to the government and big corporations. If you don't conform, you're a f*****t, and you are shunned. You may speak, but only if what you have to say is "acceptable", such as political topics that exalt democrats and liberalism, or how bad minorities and criminals have it. Ultimately, your opinions don't matter (unless they don't conform to the above, then you're a "problem child" and it's time to call your parents). Standing up for yourself is wrong. Just because the other guy's friend was "sick" that day doesn't mean he can't attest that you insulted his friend's mother in the hall. It's okay to beat up people who are unpopular, and taunt them until they kill themselves, and no harm will come to you - unless you're also unpopular. You can tell that guy to kill himself, just because of how he looks, but don't let anyone call you a dumb just because you're gliding your way through school on athletics, it's a violation of your rights! When in doubt, ignore the unpopular kid's claims.