I miss trusting where I live.
Here, I cannot lay on the shower floor naked as the water massages my aching back.
Damn, people are shocked that I shower barefoot.
Here, I must always wear underwear and a bra when walking through my hallway.
I never know when the next time I'll be alone is.
I don't know the names of my neighbors.
I can step outside without I.D.
Here, I am not quite so energetic.
My friends say I'm the most normal one in the bunch.
Here, there is no set dinnertime.
Here, I do not talk to people.
Here, I drink coffee and beer and report back to nobody.
I have no curfew.
Nobody knows if I'm not where I should be.
Nobody knows where I should be.
I cannot cuddle with my blankets at night in comfort because the heat is too high.
Half the stuff in this room is not mine.
I haven't looked out my window in weeks.
There is moldy squash in the fridge.
Nobody is making me clean.
There is something unidentifiable on the carpet outside my door.
Nobody realizes that all I have eaten in the last two days is granola, cheez-its and pretzels.
I do not own any toothpaste.
I own nothing outside of this room.
I have been in this room for 12 straight hours (with the exception of bathroom usage.)
Things seem to magically clean themselves.
I get over thirty e-mails a day that I don't read.
I don't talk to myself anymore.
I rarely dance.
I can't decide which side of the bed is the head and which is the foot.
If noise is coming out of my computer, it must be through headphones so I don't disturb the neighbors.
Someone could break into my room in less than 30 seconds if they wanted and nobody would notice.
My computer picks up signal for wireless internet from my bed, but it's password protected.
There are plenty of good things about this place. Plenty. I'm happy to be here most of the time. But I don't think it will ever be my home. I don't trust it.
I trust my parents.
I know there will always be people I love at home.
I know of many different places I can go to be alone near my house.
At home, I can dance in my room in my underwear to loud music in the middle of the day.
At home, I can cuddle under my blankets.
At home, I can cuddle under your blankets.
I trust my cat who lays on my back when I sleep.
I know places where I can buy cute clothes for super low prices.
At home, someone loves my unshaven legs.
I have amazing memories everywhere I go in N.C.
I have probably cried in all my favorite places.
At home, there is a dog who cries with happiness to see me.
I trust the O'leary children to make me smile.
I can cry without worrying about someone walking in the room.
I know where I can go to get a hug.
I know where my home is. I know where I trust. I know who I trust. And now, I'm homesick.
dwendus Community Member 
|
|
