ive been thinking...almost all day....ive been at church most of today...and something hit me during Pastors sermon....how is god real? i started thinking about it i mean...when we die...is there really a heaven and a hell? i started to think...maybe we just, die...and thats it...we dont have a "spirit" that moves on...i mean how the hell do we even know theres an after life....for all we know some one along time ago could have just made up the bible...how the hell do we know its real? im starting to dubt my intire familys belifes....but i dont care...ive felt this pull on my heart ever since i got confermed...i mean, i went threw classes because my mom wanted me to...and i didnt want to disappoint her, so i did it....but then, every time we say the nicene creed or the lords prayer....i start dubting more and more....untill today sitting in Pastor Pullmans sermon...i started thinking of a poem.....
I'm so tired of this pain,
i just want to excape
back to my shadows...
back to my friends, and my house and my room...
just leave me be for 2 minets...
just leave me to the showdow of my soul
just leave me sit in my corner
and bleed
and wither
and fade from existance
yeah i know its bad....leave me alone!!!
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Courtney's Dreams
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